Judge — October 1937 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Scrimmage “s OU'RE terrible, Yiffers, terrible! Listen, young fellow, in case I haven't made myself clear: We're get- ting ready for a long, tough football season! Football, Yiffers, not an after- noon nap! Let's try again. Well, what are you waiting for? Get going, man, get going! Why didn’t you go through that hole? When you see an opening, dive into it! What's that? You don’t like to pile up? Piffle, Yiffers! This isn’t ping pong, or checkers. Treat ‘em rough. Fight, fight, fight every second! Watch it this time. Keep an eye on that line, Yiffers! Now! Squeeze through there! Attaboy! You're getting the hang of the thing, but you swung a little too wide. And don't depend too much on your interference. The second you see a hole in the line, head for it, see? And when you get out in the open, run like thunder! Let's do it right this time. Wait a minute, until you're out of this huddle ... Listen, Yiffers: Imagine this is Big Game day. Everything depends on you. There's only one thing to bear in my mind: You're going to get going fast, and keep on going until you hear the whistle, understand? Let's see the stuff you're made of. Eyes and ears open, Yiffers! . . . No! ... Yiffers! . .. Nononono! . . . You're offside, man! . . Confound it, I didn’t tell you to jump the signals, did I? . . . It's only practice, but there'll be a penalty, anyhow... . At least five, and maybe ten . . . There's the whistle. We'll find out how bad it is now....Ah...er... Good after- noon, Sergeant! . . . Yes, I know we jumped the signal. You see, Sergeant, my new chauffeur is practising driving through sana traffic so we'll be able to get to the stadium quickly when foot- ball season opens... What's that?... Oh, surely, Officer! ... We won't jump any more signals!.. .Have a cigar? ..+ Thanks, Sergeant! ... Yiffers—er— ah—No more scrimmage this afternoon. I—ah—you seem to have grasped the idea pretty well!” —CHET JOHNSON v HE trouble is, most of us don't start looking ahead until we're on top of the hill overlooking the poor. house. : v Sign in a New Hampshire auto trailer camp: For Your Own Protection Take License Number When Lending Tools. v Then there was the absent-minded trailer dweller who threw away his resi- dence and chugged off in a salmon can! v The Indians are finally coming to un- derstand our former enmity, now that most of them are working in organiza. tions where the boss ocaasionally goes on the warpath. 30 PARTY FUN HIS month Science and Invention come to my aid in my campaign to make parlor life in America more hideous. Frerewith, two dandy strong arm stunts: ? To get rid of your old bridge cards hold a deck vertically so that one end of the deck rests in the palm of your left hand. Your fingers point to the top of the deck. The thumb is bent and rests on the first finger. The palm of the right hand is placed against the side of the deck nearest you. The thumb extends over the top of the deck and rests on the first finger. Bring your two hands as closely together as possible, tighten your grip and at the Same time turn your left hand counter-clockwise and your right hand clockwise. Throw the pieces into the wastepaper basket. Five fingers can lift a person regard. less of weight and suspend him or her in the air. It takes five people. Stand the liftee in the center of the floor. One lifter puts his (or her) index finger un- der the liftee’s chin. A second puts his if. under the left instep, a third under the right instep, a fourth and fifth under each armpit. At your command they lift simultaneously. Alley oop! AND since the main purpose of this column is to encourage the vacu- ous, the inane and the utterly useless— here's something for you parlor hounds. Lay down a long piece of white string and, looking at your feet thru the wrong end of a pair of opera glasses, and put- ting one foot straight ahead of the oth. er, try to walk along the string, heel by toe, heel by toe. Try it after a little sniftering. "THERE is nothing like getting in strong with your host by suggesting a few tricks with eggs. What does it matter if you drop a few on the rare old bit of hand-woven Turkestania? Get the cook alone and ask her to hard boil one for you, then let it cool off. Take the h.b. one and place it with about a dozen others (in their pristine state) in a bowl. The gag then is to bet the boys and girls present that they can’t pick out the hard boiled one. It’s almost impossible to do unless you know the answer, which is really suite silly. A hard boiled egg will spin like a top if you give it a twist. Plain old hen fruit waddles from side to side and gives up with a feeble roll. It's as simple as all that. HERE is a nice, stoopid way of using up a lot of time and clean, innocent paper. Ask the mob if they know what a billion is. In case that little cutie in green with her head on the Princeton boy’s shoulder is a wee bit hazy, you can take time out and explain that to her it is a thousand million, Then ask the company present just how long they think it would take them to count a billion. The guesses vary as a rule, any- where from a month to ten years. ‘wel, counting at the rate of two hundred a minute without stopping, it would take nine thousand five hundred and twelve years, to say nothing of a few odd months. All right, go ahead and prove It. ASX your guests who was the world’s Bteatest population destroyer—one guess each. You'll get such answers as Genghis Khan, Hindenburg, Attila, Na- poleon, etc. The answer, if you haven't already guessed it, is Cain—when he slew Abel he wiped out one-fourth of the world’s population. Right? RRANGE ten pennies in a row side by side like this: o000000000 Now try to assemble the pennies into five groups of two each by jumping one penny over the next two pennies in either direction. The two pennies jumped over may be two pennies that have already been paired or two single pennies. Here's how: Numbering the . pennies mentally from one to ten, place four on one, seven on three, five on nine, two on six and ten on eight. 'Sall there is to it! Solutions of Puzzles in this Issue ae Mi INJO! comicbooks.com