Judge — October 1937 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOD FORGIVE ME- The Kiss Robber’s Doom RLINGTON PEELER never told a gitl he loved her: as a matter of fact, he never told girls anything. Iron fellow, he just kissed them. Now, that's very effective procedure. It's sure to bring you at least one of a whole group- ing of things. Arlington Peeler got many a poke in the eye for his trouble, naturally; and in some cases he received some resounding slaps in the face, as was to be expected. Some girls just don’t like for men to kiss ‘em just like that. In several instances, Arlington Peeler got a deep scratch or two across the cheek. That was painful business, and scratchers simply had to be let alone— or pursued to the point where they bit as well as scratched, but not out of ill will, if you know what I mean. Since Arlington Peeler hated pursuing, no matter for what reason, his collection of buccal scars represented just so much aggravation, to use the well known idiom, and nothing more. More dreadful than the scratchers, however, were the girls, who, once kissed by Arlington Peeler, promptly set about and pursued him. You know there is that type; once you kiss them, even if most innocently, they think they own you. That type is not easily dis- suaded. Arlington Peeler in such cases simply had to poke them in the eye to protect himself. And there is somethin, incongruous in having to poke a gir! whom you have kissed probably with please in the eye—or is there? Or am mixed? A_very provoking species of girl, usually the coolest, freshest, most desir- able looking, is the kind that you kiss and yet it is as if nothing had happened —she seems completely untouched by the experience. That species is really dangerous; it drives most kiss robbers into madness, a wild insane desire to fall upon the creature and kiss her so hard and so long as to forever knock that unconcerned look off her fine pan. Bad business, the harder you kiss, the less she seems to care, and so on ad in- finitum until you rupture a blood ves- sel or something. I think that once Ar- lington Peeler, early in his experiences, did rupture _a small blood vessel or something. Ever after, he was a little leery about cool, fresh, very desirable looking girls—not that thereafter he completely eschewed the kind. Sensa- tion seekers just must go on seekin; sensations whether the effects are good or bad. “No wonder he’s a football star—Y ou should have seen the trick plays be tried to pull on me last night!!!” AR8LINGTON PEELER, who could after long experience, rob a girl of a kiss and take the consequences almost with equanimity, altogether had quite a good time of it. Like the man in the fa. mous story, who always put the question immediately upon being introduced to the lady, and although being very, very frequently turned down, had a surpris- ing number of acceptances—like the fa- mous man in the story, Arlington Peeler didn’t do so badly for himself. Yes, sir, he got a surprising number of kisses. But one day, Arlington Peeler had the misfortune of falling into the hands of a variety of girl he just hadn't ever met before or dreamt existed. Rachel was a dimity girl—cool, fresh, very desirable looking. For the life of him, Arlington Peeler couldn't resist the temptation of kissing her almost on sight. Nothing happened. She crossed her arms, sat up- right, and looked straight ahead ot her. It was as if she said, missed me! There was nothing for it, but to kiss her again, and Arlington Peeler did so. Same re- sult; no hits, no runs. So Arlington Peeler kissed her a third time, good and hard and satisfyingly. As he retreated, he observed that she seemed as unmoved as ever. Sure, Rachel did sit quietly after be. ing kissed the third time. In fact, she sat unmoving for a week. By that time, Arlington Peeler had almost forgotten her and was robbing other girls of kisses. But on the eighth day, when Ar. lington Peeler got back to his apartment one night he found Rachel waiting for him there, She at once pounced on him and sank her claws half an inch into the skin where his whiskers grew—and shrieked a small but impressive shriek. Arlington Peeler was surprised, wouldn't you be under the same circumstances? But he kept his head. He unremonstra- tively retired to the bathroom to pat witch hazel the night long upon his wounds. D° YOU think that was the end? Hardly. Rachel was something. Next week-end, Arlington Peeler who stole away, as he believed without trace, for a quiet rest at Swampscott, discovered her in his hotel bed. How amazing! Seemingly in the twinkle of an eye—or a week—Rachel had turned into one of that type of girl who once you kiss her owns you. Please recall that I mentioned that type earlier in this screed. Arling- ton Peeler was taken aback but hard! altogether ped. Knowing the anti- dote in such cases, you know, you have to poke the girl in the eye, he was about to do so to Rachel, when Mirabile dictu, she beat him to the punch and put the sweetest little mouse under his left with a straight right you ever saw. Pesceler now was d. He declared for Rachel what he had declared for no itl ever before. He declared that he loved her, God forgive me. —A. D. RoTHMAN. Judge comicbooks.com