Judge — September 1937 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Te Cook County Clerk in Illinois has seen 1,000,000 couples apply for a marriage license, Nine-tenths of them walk up the steps to his bureau, he says. But when couples are looking for a divorce, most of them use the elevator. E- J. V. Gunn has his way, Okmulgee, Okla., will be the first air-conditioned city in the country. His suggestion to civic leaders is a spray of fine mist from fifty-foot poles to be erected in the downtown section, cooling the air but not wetting lestrians. Cautious Okmulgeeans, having a hor- ror of becoming web-footed through the experiment, may doubt the advisability of such a proposal and knock it in the head. ME and Mrs. Charles Tharp live in a trailer. While in Iowa the stork visited them. The doctor in charge in- formed the excited couple that the law of the State provided that children must not be born in vehicles, so what to do? So they jacked up the trailer and rolled some logs under it. That made it a house and the doctor, Mrs. Tharp and the stork went ahead with the business on hand. IN BALUCHISTAN, 1000 years or more before the birth of Christ, women were unknown. One day a young man discovered some in the woods, and brought them home to domesticate. They became popular as pets, but for years they were considered lower animals, something between a giant newt and a dog; in fact, when one of them bit a dog she was whipped to death, accord. ing to the ancient statute of Baluchistan. ‘After a long time the women learned to talk, and when everyone had for- gotten their origin, they cleverly got themselves accepted as human beings. At that point Baluchistan lost all his- torical significance, and we hear very little of it today. IN JAPAN, as all Japanophiles and phobes know, suicide is considered quasi-honorable. Their “suicide island,” Mount Mihara, has long been a mecca for sweethearts, and its volcano has been claiming an average of a victim a day for the last six years. Now the steamship company that runs boats to the island from Tokyo has been ordered to sell only round trip tickets—as a deterrent from rash acts. 'HE boys in Lafayette College, we are advised, are having more than a little trouble with the college ruling against drinking in the fraternity houses. It all started when the D.U.'s decided to have September 1937 Zz ST CURRENTS a beer party in the house. Those who have visited the college will remember that the Delta Upsilon house is built right up smack to the president's house, a state of affairs that has proved a con. stant thorn in the side of recent D.U. delegations. On this occasion, however, it was more than a thorn; it was a full. grown thistle. After calling a local brewery and asking to have a keg delivered, the D.U.'s settled back in quiet anticipation of a gregarious evening around the fra- ternity hearth. They kept right on wait- ing, however, until some of the broth. ers’ mouths began watering so freely that they slipped off down the Hill and did some ipavate testing. Those who re. mained grew more and more impatient, until finally some of them went out on a scouting expedition. It didn’t take them long to find out what had hap. pened to the brew. It turned out that the fellow that drove the delivery truck had stopped in front of what he thought was the D.U. house and had rolled the keg up to the front door before he thought to inquire if it was the right house. A kindly gentleman who an. swered the door told him it wasn’t the D.U. house, but it was all right about the beer—he'd take care of it. Nobody had the courage to ask their next-door neighbor what he had done with it. N° MERE man would think of object- ing if he saw one of the opposite sex occupying herself with a task that in former years belonged exclusively to his gender. Equality of the sexes has ad- vanced too far for that these days. But when a man. . . well, listen to this: Recently, in Milwaukee, a house- wife lay horror-stricken in bed, numbed by fear, while an intruder went quietly about ransacking the house. When he went so far as to start rifling her hubby's Pockets she sprang to action and routed im with a well-directed pillow. APPLICATION blanks for member. ship in the League for Untwistin, Telephone Cords, are, we understand, about ready for the printer. Many will be anxious to engage in this self-sacri- ficing form of public service, but the mere wish to be helpful is not enough. It is understood that an applicant must qualify by proving that he ths untwisted at least six telephone cords in one day. The technique is liar. You enter the office of any Prince of Privilege or Economic Royalist, approach a desk where the telephone cord is badly snarled and ask the young lady when his Nibs will be in—There was once a sea captain who sent his First Mate ashore to borrow an anchor. “What if he asks how soon we'll return it?” asked the mate. “Give him an evasive reply,” said the captain. “What's an evasive reply?” asked the mate. “Tell him to go to hell,” said the Captain. This is not the evasive answer the young lady will give you, but the meaning is the same. Now in a business-like way you seize the telephone, hold it aloft and allow the cord to untwist. As the phone spirals itself out straight, explain that A. T. & T. has hired you to untwist telephone cords on a piece-work basis. She will then willingly sign a statement that you have untwisted one telephone cord and, if you have sufficient personality, she may add that she has no dinner engage. ment. Thus a much needed reform fe comes a pleasant pastime. ROF. john Madigan, physicist at St. Thomas’ College, marks his examina. tion Papers in peculiar fashion. Good papers he scents with attar of roses, and ¢ papers he sprinkles with hydrogen Ped, er butytie acid yes ‘THe Federal Bureau of Investigation released some gloomy figures. Of the 130,000,000 people now living in the US., some 300,000 will be murdered sooner or later. That's a fact. ‘THat history really does run in Brooves of authentic parallels came tous recently in the midst of some read. ing; reading that set us to musing upon Hitler and Mussolini and $talin. Per. haps it would be best if we just re- printed the passage in part, and let it go at that, without comment. It is from the Scythian ambassador's broad-side to Alexander, and the part that struck us is as follows: “If your person were as gigantic as comicbooks.com