Judge — July 1937 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IF | DARE SAY. SO. By CHARLES B. DRISCOLL ‘HE heavens fall and the earth goes up in flames, in Spain. ALFONSO OF THE BOURBONS, at London's Savoy, reaches for another helping of the caviar, sighs as one whose conscience is in the pink, and rules that his eldest son, the COUNT OF CAVADONGA, shall not inherit the thrones of Castile and Leon, because he is divorced. . . . The majesty of kings unhorses me... . LORD HIGH EXECUTIONER P. V. McNUTT follows brave Magellan half way around the weary earth to bring light and civilization to brown brothers who dwell in the shadow of superstition. Trumpets, hautboys, flourishes. . . . The natives, holding breath to hear a mani- festo from the Great White Father are told how and when to drink toasts to P. V. McNUTT. . . . RUBE GOLD. BERG has quit drawing BOOB Mc- NUTT for the funnies. He couldn't com. te with Nature. ... All night the lorges flame as nations fashion guns to blast away another ten million lives, and the cables buzz with matter of great moment. It is officially denied that the DUKE OF WINDSOR has returned to his knitting to calm his nerves. Tatting is the thing, girls, and have you hear: that foreign troops may be withdrawn from Spain if the home folk growl too much about the blood and taxes? NGLAND must be something of a success for CHARLES and ANNE LINDBERGH. At least, it gives them rivacy for the birth of another son. ‘ell, if we've lost our LINDBERGHS and ORVILLE WRIGHT'S plane to England, it’s been our own fault, and maybe we'll do-better next time... . 1 saw DICK MERRILL on his return from his little business flight to London. There's another flying pioneer who should be rewarded with a chance to make some money out of his skill and courage . . . and don’t forget that an American ship, the NC-4, with an Amer. ican navy crew in command of ALBERT CUSHING READ first flew across the Atlantic Ocean. COMMANDER READ has no biography in the current Who's Who in America, and most Americans believe that Englishmen were first to fly the ocean. . . . Did you ever have to and at my own. Alma Mater, too. I couldn't take it lightly, though they won't remember anything I said. About 32 all the wisdom I could give them I give you in one sentence: Never believe that you can make people better by passing laws. Well, one more sentence, maybe: Government can never do anything for anybody. . . . Despair? Not at all. Who invented this idea of casting thy burden on the Government, anyway? INRY COLLINS BROWN is well along in the seventies, and prob. ably should have an assistant appointed for him, but he’s just turned out the best book of his career. A Mind Mislaid, he calls it, about the three years he spent in an insane asylum, crazy as a bug... and he is as sane as SENATOR BORAH today. . . . No smart newspaper got to MR. VAN DEVANTER as soon as he got his black dress ‘off, and none ex- tracted an interview on How it Feels to be Able to Quit Talking Like God. .-._. CARL VAN DOREN was saying that he is up to his forelock in writing a biography of BENJAMIN FRANKLIN which probably will be the thickest FRANKLIN book yet published . . . but he couldn’t tell me what has hay pened to PHILLIPS RUSSELL, who, in 1926, wrote “Benjamin Franklin, The First Civilized American.” ... LINTON WELLS has put on so much flesh and is getting so dignified that I'm afraid he'll never quite live up to my expecta- tions. For years I've been urging him to fly around the world non-stop. That's the only real stunt flight worth making now. .. . WELLS has been around the world a dozen times, and lately turned out a book, “Blood on the Moon.” ... I thought the North Pole was ours be- cause it was discovered by DR. FRED- ERICK COOK in 1908 and visited by many Americans since, including PEARY, BYRD and ELLSWORTH. . . . The Russians thought it was theirs until they found it drifting like a harvest worker. ...I had a letter from T. EVERETT HARRE the other day, relat- ing the inside details of the blasting of DR. COOK'S reputation by BEN HAMPTON and RAY LONG, owner and editor, respectively, of Hampton's Magazine. HARRE got COOK to write his story for the magazine. Then Hamp- ton and Long labeled it Dr. Cook Con- fesses, to pump up ‘circulation. COOK confessed nothing except that he dis- covered the Pole, but the country ac- cepted the headline as truth. It's a joy to add that the magazine died soon there. after of too much circulation. . . . Most picturesque figure in’science: DR. AUG- USTE PICCARD. . . . My town, Yonkers, made a show of itself by pase. ing an ordinance compelling everybody to wear customary street attire on its streets. I bow low-to JUDGE FREDER. ICK CRANE, who tossed the ordinance out the window, saying: "The law of the proper thing to do is not written in a .". . + Many things I-do not un- derstand. For instance, why be captious about selling helium abroad while we are selling planes and knocked-down battleships wholesale and retail? .. . And let us not quit building siships because they fall apart and bum up. If men had stopped building boats when the first thousand had sunk, Queen Mary today would be just a dowager. pat CROWE, kidnaper and robber, has gone virtuous in his old age, and the big town newspapers give him col. umns of publicity on his silly schemes to end crime by some spectacular dido. PAT has been living off the notoriety of his crimes for a generation. If he'd pipe down and let the cops manage the show he'd be doing a service to law and order. + ++I never have been able to cheer a criminal for refraining from crimes after he's too weak to tote a gun. . . . New York's FIORELLO bows and bows, and one is for making the girls quit their teasing at the burlesque shows. Oh, how indignant was the Mayor when he dis- covered that ladies were undressing on the stage! . . . It had been going on for twenty years, and quite naughtily (with good.looking girls, that means) ever since LA GUARDIA became Mayor, but he just heard of it when the church people (voters all) began to cry havoc. + . - Lunched with H. T. WEBSTER, cartoonist, who, it seems to me, has k his sense of humor alight through the years—a tough job for a cartoonist who succeeds. . . . The expression “‘at long last’’ is touted as something EDWARD made up. It has been in common use in English and Irish families (including my own) for centuries, and I've always used it without being conscious of anything unusual. . . . Wouldn't it be amusing if the revolution we've been talking about for so long would be fought be. tween CIO and AFL, without outside assistance. . . . MAGAZINER DICK BERLIN and BROKER GEORGE SUMERS took an automobile instead of a plane on account of the dangerous look of the weather, in the Philippines. Crash, many broken bones. They flew back to America as fast as ible, blushing. . . . Well, I'm off for Blowing Rock, North Carolina, but I'm sticking to the airways, boys. . . . Horseless carriages are all right for adventurers, but the wings have come to stay. . . . And I'll be wicker than F.D.R. can say JOE ROBINSON. comicbooks.com