Judge — March 1937 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bead BY CHARLES ysistrata and her lady friends were | the first notable sit-down strikers. And, I am happy to report to those who may not have been watching the returns, they won, hands down . But I can remember. When I’ was a little boy there was a strike in the PULL- MAN shops, and the Kansas City Week- Jy Star, our only newspaper, was full of it. Much more exciting than the events in Michigan, because we, on a remote farm in the valley of the Arkansas, ac- tually believed that the fate of mankind hung upon the outcome .. . . and they told of a fellow named EUGENE V. DEBS, who was going to jail because, they charged, he had written notes to the strikers, saying, Save your money and buy a gun .... 1 lived to see that fellow go to prison in Aflanta for rebuking his government for writing that same note to every American... . Isn't it fun, living? .... MR. FRANK- LIN D. ROOSEVELT’S pronounce. ments are destined to bring on a reap- praisal of the doings of youth and age, the infirm and the unhandicapped. For, some perverse reason, I shall take the op- posite side, probably for fear that it might not properly represented. Against those who will outrun the Presi- dent in championing youth and _physi- cal perfection. I shall cite OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, father and son, LOUIS D. BRANDEIS, FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT and OLIVER GOLD. SMITH . . . . The most intelligent prayer for any parent: Dear GOD, please rant my children handicaps, lest they e nobodies .. .. Deaths increase, births decrease, in New York. Alcoholism kills fewer than ever; heart disease more. Try increasing the dosage of alcohol to get back to normal ratio of births and deaths . ... ELIHU ROOT had a good press at his death, partly because of his great- ness, and partly because he had outlived the severest of his critics. Little Children, I can remember back to the time when that which was spoken by a Judge had the combined force and effect of law, religion, super- stition and barbed wire... . The Judge wrote it down and gave it to the cop to serve, while His Honor took himself 32 SAY SO MYSELF B. DRISCOLL a well-earned snooze and a snifter. You might be as right as a right hand drive in London, but you bowed to the injunc- tion, sat up and begged for habeas cor- pus, and barked nice and pretty for a subpoena duces tecum.... Well, my kids and yours pronounce their Latin much better than the full bench today, and the most pious of us have seen a scal. awag or two appointed to judging jobs in return for zealous stuffing of ballot. boxes, so— . . . And I wake up in the night to chuckle over old BILL NYE’S indignation against the Brussels police for their failure to stop the Battle of Waterloo before it became too disorderly. .... But if you want to know whether the arm of the law ever shakes like the hand of the Potter, why two New York magistrates who were noted for severity with traffic violators had hard luck late- ly. One killed a pedestrian by running his car up over the sidewalk on a quiet street, and another was pinched in a distant city for speeding through a school zone .... Oh, la-la, the Law! He” long will the Aillbilly cycle last? Is it too late to buy Hillbillies Pfd., or should one go in for H-Men A mere flicker of light I can shed, and you're welcome, I'm sure. Let me go on with my remembering, Little Children, and we shall all become wise. I remember the Soldier Cycle (PRIVATE PEAT, The Better ‘Ole, SIR JOHN PERSHING, and on down to What Price Glory?) , and the Cowboy Cycle (BUFFALO BILL to WILL ROGERS, with Home on the Range tossed in), and the Indian Cycle, Engi- neer Cycle, and even the Business Man Cycle (Remember when we used to glow about putting Business Men in charge of Government?). Well, the hillbilly thing has only lately reached assembly line proportions, and hasn't gone through the doll-toy-sweat-shirt stage or even sniffed the final phase, Broadwayi- zation... It's g for two healthy years, yet. My favorite is Lil Abner. Want to know the man who invented hillbillies? Glad to give you a knock. down to ‘im, as we used to say in Kan- sas. CHARLES MORROW WILSON, slight, red-headed, scholarly, and now becoming Greenwich-Villagey . .. . He came into New York from Fayetteville, Ark., in his old tin can, with gas and grub bought out of $25 The Nation paid him for his first published piece ~~. . Came to see me, because I'd writ- ten him a letter in praise of The Nation iece . .. . Oh, this was very long ago, ly Little Children! Charlie hit all the big magazines with hillbilly stories and articles. He had opened up a new word mine; wrote lots of books about the hill people . . . He's the real inventor, much more so than ALEX BELL and SAM MOORE were in their respective lines. OW many blades on an airplane propeller? Maybe you know the answer right off, but I had an argument about it lately, and was proved wrong, as usual. I'd been riding all over the map in many types of planes, and thought I knew. Guess I won't tell you just now, and you may have your own arguments ... HAROLD T. WILKINS has done a good roundup on loot in his new book, Pirate Treasure. You ought to read it... Wreckage of WILEY POST’S plane was destroyed lately, on request of MRS. POST. Why? It wasn’t taking up much valuable space, up there in Alaska. And a lot of students of things that end- ed in that foolish flight would have liked a chance to study the wreckage... . ANDY MELLON wins the first appro- bation he's ever got from me by his de- cree that his art museum shall be all (or nearly all) on one floor, to eliminate museum fatigue. Now if he'll order it built without windows, properly lighted and air-conditioned, I'll forgive his treas- ury record. But there should be a moving floor strip in the center of the picture halls, with seats on it, so customers may view the exhibits in real comfort. It could be done, you know. ys let's go ahead with that Canal across Nicaraugua. We're not go- ing out of business next year or next Needed: a really interesting and entertaining pamphleteer in this country, and an epidemic of old. fashioned broadsides, with pepper and character in them . . . . Forgotten men: EDWARD WINDSOR, ALF LAN- DON, EMIL COUE’ ... ALICE LONG- WORTH took the typewriter from the company ghost and actually wrote her own cigaret testimonial . . . . But think of all the Spanish antiques that were saved from the conflagration by the mere chance of their having been manufac. tured in Michigan! .. . It's a good world and a lucky one, and MR. ALFRED SLOAN can't speak as eloquently as he doesn’t look handsome. comicbooks.com