Judge — February 1937 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EF THATS JUST LIKE aia setreen, THE ACHE JUST SEEM TO DISAPPEAR ALKA-SELTZER/ Fe EXIT, AFTER-, DOWN IT GOES / FE DINNER WOES / on onolgeric sedivm ocety! salicyt. ote). You drink it ond it does two importont things. Firs, becavie of the onclgesic, it brings quick, wel come reliet from your discomfort = ‘ond then becouse it is ole olkaliz~ ing in its nature Alko- Selzer helps correct the covse of when FOR THE MODERN Automatic table... All legs open and close with one motion ...Compact, comfortable folding chairs have the appear- ance of real chairs. GID SIMPLE BEAUTIFUL Sold At Leading Department or Furniture Stores LORRAINE METAL MPG. CO. S32 FOURTH AVE.. WEW YORK, W. Y. LIARS CLUB (Continued from page 27) regarding his amazing productivity. Mr. Elwood replied: “Brother Prevaricators, I have two methods of writing at my dis- eae In the first place, I can type with h hands, thus I am enabled to use two machines at once. However, I use three. I type surprisingly fast. So fast that, after unding on the third typewriter for a ‘ew minutes, I can let it coast. It usually coasts for a couple of hours, and thus I am free to work on my other two ma- chines.” Thank you for your offer of a demon- stration, Brother Elwood, but we realize that when you writers are paid by the word you sometimes have to stretch your stories a bit. This one came out pretty tall. In the matter of unfinished business, we have the information sent in by Arthur Brady of Bristol, Penn. It seems his city’s police have trained mosquitoes which taste the blood of persons sus. ted of drunken driving. If within Fifteen minutes the mosquitoes don’t sing “Sweet Adeline,” leased. Get in touch with Brother Brady, Mr. Secretary, and tell him we tried a simi- lar experiment, using some local corn whiskey. The mosquitoes all died sing- ing “Nearer My God to Thee.” * Our whopper of the month was sent in by our esteemed and long-standing Peterson, Alabama, associate, John Book. hardt. It seems eight hulking negroes were unloading a shipload of anvils at Greenwood, Miss. The anvils weighed 400 pounds each, and it took . four negroes to carry one. “Finally,” Mr. Bookhardt states, “a little Geechee negro weighing about 135 pounds showed up and told the boss stevedore he could ‘tote’ more than the whole gang was moving. Clearing the gangplank, the boss told him to go to it. The little fellow grabbed an anvil by the horn with each hand, and carrying the two of them, started for shore. The the drivers are re. double load was too much for the gang- plank, which broke, letting him into the water, anvils and all, with a tremendous splash. “After about five minutes, the little Geechee negro worked his way back & the surface, and when his head po, out of the water he yelled, ‘If some ot you fool niggers don’t throw me a rope - quick, T'se iner turn one of these lamn anvils loose!” Well, that concludes our business for this meeting. Before we adjourn, let us all stand, and repeat once more, the pass- word of our glorious organization — "Youre Another!” v GREAT MINDS “I do not want to see the Republican Party get too strong.” —James A. Farley. “Some of the most beautiful paintings were composed by moral monsters. —Man Ray. “I always wear my jewelry—some. times I even sleep in it.” —Gypsy Rose Lee. “There isn't anything I can say with. out saying something I ought not to say.” —Senator William E. Borah. “I'm the sixth white person ever to see a panda.” —Mrs. Wm. H. Harkness. “There's a lot of things in nature you can't do on the stage.” —David Warfield. “Hundreds of women who work in the pictures actually are underfed.” —Grace Moore. “When orchestras reach a certain level of perfection, they're practically always good.’ —Guy Lombardo. “I certainly was not plastered.” —Mrs. Aimee Semple McPherson. “It would be easy for 350,000,000 Indians to fling each a stone at a few thousand Britons, but God wouldn't like it.” —M. K. Gandbi. Solutions of Problems ir 3 wis = comicbooks.com