Judge — February 1937 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Didn't I tell you all that guy knows about fightin’ you could put in your eye?” THE LIARS CLUB By O. C. HULETT ORDER, GENTLEMEN! The Bur- lington Liars’ Club is now in session. First off we have a letter here from Ed- win P. Shank, of Berkeley, California. “Years ago,” Ed writes, “I worked as watchman in a sawmill up north. We had to have a watchman, ‘ause there was another mill across the bay, and they would steal all the timber they could lay their hands on. Those guys were so smooth that they would steal the gold out of your teeth while you were laugh. ing at them. “One day we got in a section of a red- wood tree, and the boss told me to watch it careful, so that night I took my blank. ets and went to sleep on top of it. The boss must have been worried, because he came down about 5 o'clock the next morning, took one look at the situation and fired me. You see, during the night, those birds from across the bay had sneaked over, set a ring in the end of the log, tied a rope through the ring, and pulled the log right out of the bark while I was asleep.” Robert Schoull, of Baltimore, Md., forwards an interesting note from his Uncle Amber, who is navigating officer on a ship sailing the Indian Ocean. “The heat here is terrific,” writes Uncle Amber. ‘The only one who appre- ciates it is the cook. He just mixes up a batch of pancake batter, slaps a dab on each plate, and by the time the crew gets to the table, the pancakes are baked.” 27 And now fellow members, nomina- tions are now in order for the Hall of Classic Fibs. I'm in favor of the eye. witness account of Brother Andy Cowie of the U.S.S. Talbot. “A couple of years ago, we were steaming around in the fog, which is pt of California's unusual weather. We dn’t seen the sun for about three days, when it came through long enough for the navigator to get a shot. After calcu. lations were made, it was discovered we were steaming along at five knots through a Kansas wheat field. Imagine our surprise when the fog lifted and we saw strung out behind us a long line of packages. It was later discovered that the wheat had been picked up by the main injector, run through the engine and out the overboard discharge as breakfast food. We never did find out where the containers came from.” From private sources, the club’s spy department has found that the State of Kansas keeps containers there for just such emergencies. It's a WPA project. As you all know, our board of gov- ernors has been thinking of building another’ wing for our ever-growing Mu. seum of Indisputable Evidence. And at this time we gratefully acknowledge the per of shoes contributed to the museum y George Clark of the Toronto Star. The shoes are very ancient and Mr. Clark says he couldn't tell the right from the left. One day he put the left shoe on the right foot. Then when he turned a cor- ner to the right, the shoes turned left and broke both legs. Accept our accolade, Brother Clark. You're another! Recently we communicated with Stan. ton Elwood, one of the more prolific pulp-magazine writers of Newark, N.J., (Page 34, please) "I see thirty days in the pen for you, Swami!” comicbooks.com