Judge — January 1937 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The session was adjourned to allow Sir Herbert to examine the prisoner. Here is his version of the case: “I examined O'Hara about five min- utes after he pitched forward out of the dock in a dead faint. He still bore the marks of his recent ordeal. He had a coated tongue and was feverish.” The subsequent history of the case is completely without interest. The ac- cused's counsel entered a plea of prosit and O'Hara was lashed to the mizzen and given five dozen with the cat, who seemed to be in good condition except for a slightly coated tongue. This then is the man who advocates whistling at stampeding buffalo. This unctuous traitor, writing on foolscap in onion-juice, who signs fictitious names to his slanders, dares undermine an in. stitution as hallowed as waving one’s hat at buffalo, Ever since the days of Buffoon the naturalist it has gone with- out saying that the first thing you do on seeing a buffalo is shout and wave your arms and hat. But no; that’s not good enough for O'Hara. He has to put on side. He has to make a holy show out of himself in front of animals, let alone the Kaffir boys. And maybe you don’t think the Kaffir boys talk! Only last night old man Kaffir and his youngest boy Morris came into a poolroom in Spion Kop. Morris had two beers and started talking. Well, sir, he talked pretty near two hours before they could stop him. I just mention this to show how the Kaffir boys talk once they get started. Well, O'Hara, I've said my say. I'm a plain-spoken, grizzled old seadog, none of your Frenchy airs for old Peleg Starbuck. Why, bless your heart, boy, I was a powder monkey aboard the old “Guerriere” afore you was born. I've been a galley slave aboard the pirate proas of the Dey of Algiers, I've been shipwrecked among the head-hunting Dyaks, pursued by Arab dhows in the Straits of Aden, and careened in the Dry Tortugas. But don’t you heed this old man’s talk; you young folks go along and have a look through my spyglass. What's that you say—a suspicious mois- ture in my eye? Pshaw—a bit of rain, shiver my blini. And coughing to hide his embarrassment, old Peleg hobbled up the shell-decorated path to his cot- tage as Frederica and I spat reflectively on his peonies and turned our faces to- ward Ostable and the setting sun. 13 GREAT “No system ever has been devised to put back an appendix.” —Dr. Morris Fishbein “I will play Hamlet again if I have to do it on crutches.” . —Jobn Barrymore “Well, there is always Shakespeare.” —Helen Menken “Tam a free gift to Humanity, abso. lutely gratis.” —Father J. J. Divine “One opera star in a picture is enough.” —Lily Pons “Tam approaching a doddering, senile condition.” —G. B. Shaw “They must not think me a coward— Tarzan could never be a coward.” —Jobnny Weismuller “Tam not mad at anybody.” —F. H. LaGuardia “T always talk loud.” —Rev. Gerald K. Smith v "Run down to the butcher's and get me a bone. They didn’t send me enough to fin- ish this darn yy thing! v MINDS “Don't think I have anything against women's clubs—God's gift to poets.” —lJoseph Auslander “Tt is not a matter of pleasure to me to know that one human being pro- duced five children.” —Lord Dawson of Penn “Clark Gable is not handsome.” —James Montgomery Flagg “It is possible to demonstrate that the combined equations of gravitation and electricity produce a singularity-free bridge representation of the electrical corpuscle.”” —Prof. Albert Einstein “I'm a_ sentimental, old-fashioned New Yorker.” —James J. Walker “I'd like to see more riots on college campuses.” —William Allen White “My family realizes I can become a success in the production of motion pic- tures as well as in any other field.” —M. Robert Guggenheim, Jr. comicbooks.com