Judge — November 1935 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Center R. OSCAR IVY is the president of the Satrap Golf Ball Co— “Play a Satrap in a Sandtrap.” Mr. Ivy made that up. For several weeks a fact had been itself mercilessly against Mr. Ivy's consciousness; the fact that his olf balls were not selling the way they shot In truth, they were not moving t all. There is greater liability than a stationary golf ball. nd Mr, y’s quick wit warned him that if con- ms continued unimproved, he would von be out of business. With this in mind, he called his fam- ily together one evening and put the matter up to them squarely. ks; he said, “there’s no getting away from the fact that Satrap Golf Balls are not selling. And T want you all to help me out. We've got to plan a better golf hall, And to make a better golf ball we all put our he ether, Now agazine in which there sement saying that one of competitors is putting dry-ice in his Mf balls, It says in the ad that this firm does this because the dry-ice makes © ball stretch.” “How about putting your last before the Rotary Club in the golf balls?” suggested Ivy. That made the meeting stretch,” beating no I have he ang speech center young whole our Irving a | is no time for levity, Irving,” said Mrs, Ivy. Mr. Ivy continued, ignoring the in- terruption, “It is my feeling that our are falling off this year for the e reason that there is nothing ina sales golf ball t eason unless there’s something in. it, said Irving, “An epigram. 1, Oscar.” se don't call your father Oscar, said Mrs. Ivy. Turning to her husband she went on, “Tell me, Oscar, just what is the advantage of s dry-ice in the center of these golf t says in the ad,” Mr. Ivy informed “that the dry-ice makes the balls nce better.” Then why doesn’t it make ice cream nce?” asked his daughter, hoping ‘dl be asked to leave the room, “Because,” her father answered scorn- fully, “nobody ever thought to put a ‘d rubber coating around the outside y put around ice cream pops is really chocolate.” If it isn't,” said Mrs. Ivy thought- ‘your little brother is going to be very sick tonight. I'd better give him ‘Iks,” Mr. Ivy pleaded, “let’s © the subject. Business is of Satraps “That's right, dear,” said Mrs. Ivy, “fet's keep on the subject.” “Now, Oscar, we were talking about M centers, I believe.” ” Mr. Ivy continued, “we simply must put something in the center of our golf balls and I'm going to make a suggestion and leave it up to you. How about putting honey in the center of Satraps?” ome golf ball company’s already doing that,” said his daughter scorn- fully “That's why T hesitated to mention it as my own idea,” Mr. Ivy admitted. “I didn't want you folks to think th your father is an imitator. But. ss Mr. Ivy's eyes suddenly flashed fire. “How ‘about making this new open champion . .. this fellow Parks . . . an offer?” “T don't think he'd be much good in enter of a golf ball—even with y,” murmured Mrs. Ivy. said Irving, “I know a fel- who opened one of those golf balls for breakfast But he said it made the Tl have him waffle this Sunday and let you ‘S honey low center one morning. pancake taste like rubber, try know.” “You know perfectly well, Irving, said Mrs. Ivy, “that your father detests waffles, He likes fried hominy grits.” “Well, why not try putting those in- 5 ested Irving. “It sular in the South.” atraps are a nationally advertised murmured Mr. Ivy, absently, “and we can't cater to local districts It seems to me there are also some golf balls with acid in the center of them, too.” mit ght make them po} product,” "s bad,” said his daughter, “We Ivys ought to stay on the alkaline side. How about putting Bromo Seltzer in ours?” .isten, Dad,” said Irving, “will you tell me exactly why we have to put some hing into the centers of Satraps? o that we will sell more of them, said his father patiently. “When a man drives his ball into the rough and loses it, we want him to be using a Satrap, so that he will buy another Satrap. Our entire business is predica on the purchase and loss of “Then,” said Irving, rising, “I have the solution. Put collar buttons in the center of Satraps.” And he walked out of the room. Mr. Iv lowly and followed him. “Where are you going, dear?” asked. To murder our two oldest children,” said Mr. Ivy. ow please don’t do anything that rose s his wife might hurt their feelings, aid Mrs, Ivy. And sighing deeply she picked up her crocheting. 23 “T’m_ A telephone installer and I like to be busy. A good many people are calling up these days and saying they want a telephone put in. “Often they will make an appoint- ment and it’s my job to be there on the dot. The company is a stickler for that. More than 97% of the ap- pointments made with subscribers are now met at the exact time re- quested. We're trying to do even better than that. “Seems to me it’s something worth while — putting in a telephone. People always seem happier when I tell them they are connected and everything is O.K. Especially if they have been without the telephone for a little while. Most everybody says the same thing —‘We missed it.’ “Well, [hope itkeepsup. It means a lot to have a telephone in the house and it means a lot to us fellows who work for the telephone company.” BELL TELEPHONE SYSTEM comicbooks.com