Judge — August 1935 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Snappy Confessional Record HANKS to those 65 pages of pure fun, wisdom. and gaiety which Huey Long’s filibuster speech added to the Congressional Record, we boys in the magazine business are beginning to look to our bread and butter. Hard hit as we are by the free entertainment of the radio, it would sound our death knell were the old lumbering Record suddenly to come to life and find its way free into the American Home. In his speech Huey Long started a recipe department, a cocktail depart- ment, a cookery department. He spoke of how to fry oysters in cottonseed oil, he gave a recipe for pot likker and told how his uncle taught his bartenders to mix drinks. So why not add other and even more entertaining features? For instance a Rod & Gun column, to be edited by an honorable representative from Texas. Brief articles on taxidermy by any of the Senate’s stuffed shirts. A Health Talk by Dr. Royal S. Copeland. column by Senator Wagner on the Lat- est Chatter Along the Great White W An Advice to the Lovelorn to be run by the Hon. Hattie Caraway. Not to forget a Kiddie’s Korner by Senator Rush Dew Holt. There ought to be Book Reviews. Fashions, Golf, Stamp Collection News by James E. Farley, and a generous amount of fiction to be produced by the Republican Senators in collaboration. All, of course, to be leavened by jokes clipped from the editorial columns of the Herald Tribune. Maybe it would hit the others harder than it would us. For the setup, out- lined above, would take the Congres- sional Record out of the humor field where it’s always been and put it in the successful nickel magazine brackets. UDGE on rue BENCH Braddock’s Defeat OMEHOW, when the stodgy, ditch- water Braddock protected his thick n from Max Baer’s so-called lethal t for fifteen rounds last June some- went out of our life. When Braddock, over the radio at the end of the fight, took a crack at the King’s English and k.o.’d it, we real- ized that the championship had gone back to the forces of bad diction and nife e: : that fighting had returned to the N erthal again. If Tunney had seen to it that ad- verbs were marshalled where gerun- dives didn’t dare break in, Baer had taken it further. He had added wit to the manly art of self-defense. He had brought it centuries forward from the blood for blood’s sake of the John L, Sullivans, the Bob Fitzsimmonses, the Firpos, the Dempseys. Not that we ex- pect prize fighting some day to become a matter of two heavyweights stand- ing in a ring and hurling encyclopaedic epithets at each other, but we do believe that wit should eventually conquer brawn. And, as we say, Baer was a inite step in that direct And_we do not underestimate his wit. Not for him the old saw t repartee is something you think of on the way home. Not at all. For him, repartee was something you made up and hurled just before your fist. Frankly we liked his clowning. At least he was honest in it, playing his ring parts like a Chap- lin, while more uninspired heavyweights tried to simulate a snorting bull and bore in, blazing fire at the nostrils. Well, maybe he'll be back, gals, and For what’s going to become of us if the dark closes over our wits, and two hogarthian monsters like Brad- dock and the doughnut-lipped Louis hit each other with iron balls for an hour and a half some day? And what a guy, this Baer! When he lost he laughed just as when he won. Chain Gangsters E'RE terribly sorry to see the chain letter di wastebasket of st 14 ppear into the Opportunities. Frankly it was giving us, and we're sure thousands of others as softheaded as ourselves, lots of fun. We saw in sending out our dime, and later our dol- lar, a way out of a flat pocketbook and into a new car, plus red toenails for our wife. For what mattered it if Professor Lemuel X. Bumblebee of Poly Tech worked it out with charts that if every- body sent a dime and received in return eighteen milk bottles full of dimes, he eventually would be out eighteen milk bottles full of dimes himself—plus post- age, the Government being the winner. Aiter all everybody would be the posse: sor of eighteen milk bottles full of dimes at one time, which is the point as we see it. Besides the Government gets everything se days, so the posta angle would be O.K. And what mattered it that someone began looking up the postal laws as soon as it was discovered people were having a little fun. Someone is always looking up the postal laws. That's life. When- ever there are signs of having a little fun, someone always looks up the postal laws. Yes, we contend America had the de- pression by the tail, but flopped at it. After all, if Mr. Rockefeller chooses to amuse himself with a dime why shouldn’t Mr. Average Citizen? And we had hoped to see it carried further. Many things. In fact, we have worked out a way to solve mar- riage problems by a Send-a-V paign. Everybody unhappily married sends his wife to five others who have spats for breakfast. These five bundle their wives off, and eventually 1562 wives wind up in the harem of your worst enemy. You can easily see the possibilities. comicbooks.com