Judge — April 1935 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Judge Mistress Pepys’ Journal By Baird Leonard ARCH 1.—L and that, in espe rains or windows have been washed. y late, pondering this al how it always after the why tailors snows ten minutes sit cross-legged, and teacups are so small. The morning post dreary, being fraught with bills, and it will n ish me much if the bailiffs upon me, my solvency at the so negligible that I do marvel i bother to keep But ‘twas ever thus with me, no matter how great e€ soon bank bei account of my income, as I learned the other day n I did come upon a will wrote out when I was six years old and con’ the clause, “My penny I leave to Grand- ma.” On the telephone to my chiri od reflecting that one of the gre: curses of civilization, illed, is time and money we spend on teeth ar nails and hair, whilst the savage, through eating uncooked f with stones, and sunning vids all such a r of the National Magazine will prove. Time rought the permanent wave would prove ater boon to my sex that the suffrage f , but when I did find that to keep it in aesthetic on- dulation it was necessary to spend hours with my head _ filled with combs inside an inflated, overheated pudding-bag, its only advantage to me became that it kept my tresses from clinging to my pallid brow like seaweed on a clam. Lord! women whose hair waves naturally de not know what trouble is. This after- grap! was whi “Oh! I beg your pardon.” noon to the cinema at Loew's Lexing- ton, which [ do well recall as the home f the ng cago Opera Com- having at that time large and oc- mal holes in the floor connected with the he nd once dur- ing a performance of “Isabeau"” my spool of costly knitting silk did roll down one of them, so that I was obliged to wind up over four hundred yards of it from an apparently bottomless pit, keeping up d obligato to Re Raisa’s arias which caused nervous indi- viduals in my vicinity to gaze about for rats. And a woman to whom [ related e incident subsequently did tell me her husband had with one of ting system 1 we’ nad a similar ex- s evenit pumps 1 Melisande,” and was ged to go home wi but a sock on one of his feet. ARCH 2 rly up, looking through the tebloid which recent- ly conducted a crossword puzzle contest to see if the winners had been an- nounced, but they had not, and if the editor does ever proclaim that a per- ect set of answers was turned in, he will be lying in his teeth, for never in all my life did I come upon a meaner, trickier, and unjuster series, making use as it did of terms from the Arabic, Sudanese, ete., to say nought of obso- te colloquialisms. And albeit one day problem would be of the “cat” and rat” variety, the next it would contain whoppers which even Erasmus would ave been able to figure out. In the fatuous hope of gaining fifteen thou- sand dollars I did make a start myself, 1 went along with a perfect score for twenty issu But when I began to encounter such enormities as “Kart- velian native of the Caucasus,” “Sym- bol indicating motor car license in Glocestershire, Eng.,” “The zebuder,” and “Part of Hawaiian outrigger canoe,” my interest collapsed. On the wire to my butcher for some shad roe, and to my grocer for some black beans which Katie is going to stew ham bone into a fine soup, and to reading e Ruse of the Vanished Women” in which I did come across the sage observation that the phrase “a man of the world” does not connote, as is so fallaciously supposed, a knowl- edge of headwaiters, wines, cigars, and cocottes. A true man of the world is one who knows how to behave normally in slightly abnormal circumstances. ound a en fell comicbooks.com