Judge — June 1934 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Advice to Commencers HEN T was a boy with a sheep- skin in my hand and a mortar- y \ board on my knoodle I stood in a rented black surplice one hot day in June and listened to some pretty fine words from my college president. He spoke a lot about ideals and the neces- sity for carrying the thir 1 had learned at dear old Whoozis into the world and making it a bigg better place to live in, N: and a urally, I | ion to the ol because in the first place I didn't know 1 hi ich atte hoy vt pay mi very well and in the second, his speeches, as quoted by the daily prints were mostly va Nectual balloons ei guaranteed not to offe trustees with offices in Wa Moreov I knew he didn’t from Adam what with 35,000 students at the university. So as I say I didn’t listen 1 don't suppose any of my mates d . However, even if the dear old puffer s bromides which he it didn’t make any dif- of my class went out and Was sincere in unc ference. rs, lawyers, Among I know of. one I and the other er of these gained at knocking the world for hecame bond sale prohibition agents and whatn the only successful plays big league base sarried well. Ne his prowes at the bosom of Alma Mater. Well, anyway, my brilliant laddies, you are about to con ¢. Some time this month you will stand as I stood, do as I did and go out as I went out. Only the advice will be different. Had I listened I would probably have n told (this was long, long go out thrift ls of efficiency, v a loc he To practice worship the keep and make good. nd abstemiousness Republica hours at my desk with my the clock and my mind on my work and remember that Life was serious and not all play. This year your College Big Shot will probably tell you that under no circum- stances must a Whoozis graduate make ‘ood. To work more than 40 hours a lon. week uneconomic. That it's your patriotic duty to get spified every other night to build up the revenue. That ethcies icy and industrial speeding up are That it is sine nd that hoarding is pun- by the sheriff. That Leisure is That Life is n matter unless the enemies of pr ful to save ishable everythi TESS. serious you make it so Well, know because I wouldn't list in your boots. Bu ideals to yut forth myself. Li 0 you as an Uncle. em! Class of °34, m your four ve Whoozis ye world, with and don’t let You wor naybe he's r | wouldn't n were [ LT have a few ne when you step rs’ loaf at dear old 1 will find it the same old same old opportu them tell find it as ¢ your campus cradle into an executive’ c did my generation—but you will find that the codes have lifted us out of last year’s abyss, tl we have to consolidate what we've gained: fix our e omic system s all 100,000,000 eyli feed lines cle gain There's money to be and f a new air s it'll hit on id not let the ler. ade: position to to be had. Withal things, You won't 1 to do things for yourselves ; you'll be expected to do them for eve body. But you won't lose thereby. That's all, Now go ahead 1 commences What's that? Where can you get a job? Down in Washington there's a man looking for ambitious young men not 3 take some knocks. be gained; there he expec id to work hard Name’s Roosev R.S.V.P. EAR General Johnson:— I want to complain about the free lunch code. Maybe you remember that 14 your command the Blue Eagle swooped down upon the bars of this and cleaned out all the free And continue its claws into barman who hands country lunch, to ¢ to hover around he criminal-hearted th slightest hunk of thick-slice on two mic t pieces of rye bread or a fork to » the potato salad. Now I de who likes his di “t know if you are a man s of suds now anc then or not. [have heard tl I t you are If you are then I would term your tholition of free luneh an t proceed ng from the wors side of your boun Tf vou aren't 1 would } lacking i nature. old in you are a oman woetully warmth, For to s free lunch repre irit of a Fraternal and 1 Or It is the generous vounty of the we earted barman. It Isa present, an offering, something for nothing. It iit so perfectly fitting t becomes a sort of muniticent gesture (whatever that i Tt harn the nerts 1 gifts ¢ ybody anc vd. In other ut the free lunch back where it . and get rid of the dried po- tato chips (those ghastly soggy wafers) und the pretzels and the cheesy bits of I tell you, my fine General, probably the root of all our economic evils is that the big boys never gave away ough! Personally I'd like to see it fixed so more is given away. Wouldn't it be the right touch if the butcher sent a quarter of beef around at Xmas, the Chain stores a barrel of flour, General Motors an icebox or a Cadillac—to those who have dealt with them for comicbooks.com