Judge — July 1933 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Judge The Eighty-Eighth Annual Mid-Summer Horoscope & Sassafras Tea Recipe Of The HREE RIVERS, MICIL. Dear Fellow Pumper Clattering incessantly onward, your Guild has recently emerged from the Post-Cowslip Era and is soon to be spurred through the Pre-Burdock Burr Epoch with the usual display of slightly better than quarter-sawed efficiency. And, as we enter the bright and shining new phase of activities, what do we find staring up at us today from Operations Spindle? We find, Fellow Pumpers, three projects mand our most attentive genius, to-wit :— com- (1) To devise a method for growing toadstools with hard rubber centers so they may be chipped to the green. 2) To replace all cups on golf greens with sunken hogsheads. (3) To abolish all prevailing systems for scor- ing golf matches and to award the highest honor to the player finding the 1 ona sightseeing tour of the course. All three projects show the effect of the horticultural trend, but all are worth striving for. And much assist- ance for the worthy and willing workers will be rom the two members who have been inflated to some of the highest offices within amizatior ‘gest number of wooden tees Those to achieve distinction, based Lyman Armes, Marshall on merit, are: Hy. of Boston, and . P., of Detroit. Armes achieved his eligibi pumping for Mandy Revnelds in the Congregation: Church of Carlisle, Mass., whom, it is said, organist so long that she wore out three sets of hynm- hooks. Mr. because he figured that it was better to he back in the loft than fidgeting around and further, because it gave him ample time to contemplate the was the Armes took over the pumping assignment in the pews below mystery of his seed wart. Mr. Armes has been elevated to the post Chief Seed Wart Contemplator of the Guild. Mr. Pease, in winning his laurels, sup- plied one of the most unusual experiences contributed during the long and colorful annals of the Guild. 3ack around 1895, he was the Pumper at St. John’s Episcopal Church in Ypsi- (Form §88—Glennie & Elsie—%ths—Off @ quarter), f Former Pipe Org an Pumpers lanti, Mich, As such, he had to supply air for choir practice on a hot Indian Summer day in October, Thi warm day came after a crisp, frosty day when his mother had forced him into his red flannel underwear for the winter. As he kept the gauge at the highest notch he began to suffer from Stark’s Red Flanneclitis. He tossed off his coat. He grew warmer. He peeled his shirt. The harder he pumped the more he itched. He couldn't leave his post. So—off came his undershirt. And then—one more gesture—and Mr. Pease was pumping that pipe organ “bare nekked”. In recognition of his unquestioned distinction, Mr. Pease has been permitted to select his own office and his own title. What with warmish weather coming vd less inclination to get brash, much attention heen given to the lighter details on the spindle. Unfortunately the name of the Guild did not appear on the May list of Mr. J. P. Morgan’s preferred stock buyers. On the other hand, Charles A. Me FF. P., of Toledo, O., who weighs 250 pounds, granted a charter all his own, Willard Sherwin French, F. P., of Detroit, joined Wilbur Rice's Picket Fence Brigade. Skippy Crosby Mclean, Va., met with a serious accident while out riding in his soap box coupe running into an open manhole. He was awarded a silver star, along with George Palmer Putnam, F. P., who is said to have been riding with him. And W. A. Me- Dermid, F. P., and John P. Morrisey, F. P., of New York City, were granted permits to carry slingshots un- der the usual Guild restrictions. A revival of the Guild’s 1926 campaign for more Bike Racks in Times Square, Manhattan, and throughout the Loop District in Chicago, is expected to meet with more cooperation from the authorities this year, And, as 1” Fred Rohver used to say: “Let's trail along right in there ahead of them until we git some place that we figger is some place.” That's the best way to proceed along life's narrow pathwa sell as some of the more attractive by Be kind- hearted and true and watch the red ants. “o “ba Grand Diapason comicbooks.com