Judge — March 1933 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AY what you will about the theor- ies of Mr. Scott (aha, he’s writing about Technocracy) the idea of pay- ing income taxes with something b sides money, is the nerts. Maybe t next March, or a couple of March later, we can mail Uncle Sam an energy unit and then hop off for a four-months’ vacation in Florida. But this year, it’s a very different story. We've got to pay and pay and pay. And here are some of the things (whether you know it or not) you're supposed to include in your return. In the first place all income, whether legal or illegal, is subject to and must be reported to the Gov- For instance, if you won aying Bridge last Fourth of ly you've gotta split with Uncle Sam; but if you lost $13.50 the next and at the same game, why you're just out of luck. amuel isn’t interested and you can't deduct any part of it. If you won on the Geegees gotta count the Government in, if you held up a bank and got a few hundred thousand dollars, you must report it as income. Only professional gamblers, who operate in States where gambling is permitted by law, can deduct their losses and then only when properly substantiated. Even Election bets, when won, should be r ported, and I suppose if somebody loses one to you and has to roll a pea- nut up Broadway with his nose the Government will insist upon coming along with you and watching him pay it. So the next time you're playing golf watch those approaches and don’t concede any putts. Remember that Uncle Sam is your part- ner and every shot you ma is for country and for kale! Success Story HERE is a_ certain theater box office pasurer around town who has en- 1 phenomenal luck. What with his split from ticket scalpers, etc., he has amassed a pretty penny. Of late Lady Luck has once more smiled upon him. His theater has housed one of the few smash hits of ‘on, and every good seat, for in advance, has been sold to scalpers. Feeling very good the about the whole thing the treasurer took his wife to a speakeasy for din- ner before the show one night. In the course of several old-fashioneds, topped off by a liqueur or two, both husband and wife grew mellow and reminiscent about the good old days. “Remember, dear,” sighed the wife, “when we came to New York from Iowa with- out a dime?” “Yes, and how I got three bucks a week as an usher in Niblo'’s Gar- dens?” added hubby. One thing led to another and at last the hus- band had a great idea. He decided to celebrate his success in this manner. He would hold out two choice seats HAT for that night's performance and sell them, at the printed price, to the first countrified couple that came up to the box office window. A sort of thanks offering. The treasurer went back to his cubby hole feeling very all right with the world. ch customer he scanned with eager eyes. It was xetting along about curtain time when a slow talking, rather nervous young man ambled up to the window. “Whatcha got fer the show to- night?” he asked. Here, thought the box office man, is my man! “Two in the second row, center,” he beamed at the stranger. The young man picked up the pasteboards, looked them over and then thrust them back. “Nothin’ doing,” he drawled. “If you're selling second row seats at the box office I reckon the show's no good!" And, grabbing his corn fed by the arm, he walked away. Gracie Allen’s Sister T’s Ed Graham's idea that the aver- age speakeasy companion wants too much to drink, makes too much noise, demands too many bon mots, sandwiches, cigarettes and does too much touring the tables to talk to people she knows. IF 1 DONT S/NK THIS: Put THE GOWAWMENTS CERTAINLY GOWNA BE SORE/ 2