Judge — October 1932 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Judge The Sixth Annual Short-Term Symposium and Debenture Holder’s Digest of the Guild of Hormer Pipe Organ Pruners HREE RIVERS, MICH. Dear Fellow Pumper: With the basic underlying conditions as they are, it is still a little too early to sound ah gh, quavery optimistic note. But it certainly does look as if the new Anti-Deflatc Pre-Shrunk Pop-Over Period of your Guild will measure up to the recently made prediction that it will be a Doozy. This Period was inaugurated unsight-unseen a week or so ago. Effe ave been astounding. Already more than 30,000 congratulatory telegrams have been received on old Mother's Day blanks, with only one threat of garnishee proceedings mixed in. The agenda bristles with suggestions (none accompanied by checks to defray expenses). And both the “Incoming” and “Outgoing” spindles here at the Internatio: Head- quarters of Loft No. 1 up over the Old Snug Restaurant are clogged with freshl. npaled business. Here are the imperative obligations of as of even date: (1) To install a battery of hand-painted sewer-tile umbrella holders in the Polish Corridor as our per- manent contribution to international accord. (2) To issue a vote of confidence to all bakers who, since business has ked up, have taken to putting some cinnamon in the cinnamon rolls. 3) To effect a compromise agreement with the We oodmere Lawn Tennis & Shuttlecock Club in which the L S. Club will accent the Guild’s arbitrary in- crease in the value of Big Casino from 2 points to 3, while the Guild will sponsor the Club’s plan to equip all caroms players with eight-ounce boxing gloves to protect their index fingers (4) To issue a blanket invitation to all Democratic candidates who are refused a trip through the Empire State Tower, to take advantage of the wonderful facil- ities of the Willie Carthy Combination Carillon Shed, Landing Field and Infant Feeding Clinic. (5) To adopt legislation aimed toward complete eradication of flimsy scanties and urge an immediate swing to the sensible long-legged underwear which may have bulged out over the shoe-tops but could ys be counted on to keep the leys warm in winter. COORDINATION HAT it takes to tackle these prob- ems the Guild’s got, namely: (A) Z (B) Stick-to-it-Iveness, (C) a lot of gimp, and (D) two new mottoes, : (a) “Ever Onward; Ever Up- and (b) “With Malice Toward None and Charity For All Who Come Early Enough.” Moreover, of greater moment, it is fortified by its priceless if slightly-worn boons and heritages; not to mention its 3-Burner torch of Liberty, and the cluster of conch shells over by the newel post. Form 78ERE; your Guild * Pump, for the Wind is Fleeting” AMORTIZATION wie this virgin Piatiletka few chanyes Guilds Operating Plan, wii. xpected. Carleton Nettels, F.P., of Battle C Mich., continued as Chief Gedickler. Roy Clark, F.P., Paul, has been immersed as Grand Gedoppler, and has been instructed to perfect a Double-Gedoppel ange- ment for the next meeting. R. Arthur Wood, F.P., of Chicago, Grand Quint of the Mid-West Swiss Chard & Zinnia Zone may be dismissed because of a violation of Quintship restrictions. In this event Benjamin Franklin Affleck, F.P., will be re-inflated to the rank after plug- sing along quietly for years as a Grand Quint Emeritus. Sanction has been given to James Daniel Anderson, F.P., of Toledo, O., and Thomas Joseph Connell, F.P., of Detroit, to operate a carpet wheel midway between the two cities under a cross license patent agreement. George W. Welsh, F.P., of Grand pids, Mich., has been approved for the office of governor of his state primarily because he is a darned good sliphorn player. Samuel Taylor Moore, F.P., of Longmeadow, Mass., balked in his plan to force the guv’ment to issue the new three-cent stamps in two flavors (Lemin and Sas’parilly) has been instructed to proceed with his spring campaign Manhattan Island back to the Indians. rd H. Kittredge, F.P., of Boston, has been awarded a silver r for athletic achievement, having kicked a steam roller 178 Ft. 6 in. in his stocking feet for not buying A.T.&T. at 70 on Guild advices. Courtney ‘ley Cooper, F.P., has been appointed head of our For sm Missions department and will leave soon for Paris. Frank D. Waterman, F.P., wants the Guild’s Wild-Cast- Iron Pigeon Casting Commission to use U. S. Senators instead of pigeons at the next Empire State Releasing Ceremony. And Paul Merrick Hollister, F.P., our genial and hard-working Tibia Plana, is gradually gaining strenrth after a tough siege with the collywobbles. SUMMARY <0, HERE we are, rounding the turn. Hold no fears but that the Ho; inders-Vincent-Hegeman Pro- tective Alliance vork out the Whitney-Burma- Guaranty Trust-Annas Per Annum-Dividend Incident to our advantage. And don't forget that aim runs as follows: “To perpetuate the memories of our honorable profession that has been so ruthlessly rendered obsolescent by modern electrical contraptions, and to provide, for what we once vaguely hoped would be the populous posterity that is now defi- nitely assured, some permanent evidence of the important part the Pipe Organ Pumper played in the musical and eccle- siastical progress of the ages.” Let me hear any good wds. Yrs. (SGD) Cnet SHAFER, Grand Diapason. in your Edward will be of St. comicbooks.com