Judge — August 1932 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Judge ( DONT CARE IF HapVERS REELECIED! —THERE'S A LING IN THE Soi! and trees just go on producing whether I speak to them or not. But all the same, give me cold asphalt rather than frozen earth. Municipal Mind 7 ou must have heard Ed Wynn, the fire chief inane, tell the rea- son on your radio why he never p ed a driver’s test to get a driv- 's license:—“You see, Graham,” he said, “I forgot to put out my hand with a five dollar bill in it!” Well, sir, we'll be a so and so if the day after broad ing this silly bit, Mr. Wynn didn’t get a letter from the Commissioner of Motor Ve- hicles requesting the name of the officer who gave Mr. Wynn his test and the place and date of the occa- sion. Furthermore, if Mr. Wynn would appear for another test he could be assured of fair treatment, ete., ete.! The Parlor Inane M* on whom you can rely to do unreliable things, tells me he has attended two of the best parties recently he’s ever attended. One was called a Strange Interlude Party and the idea was that you spoke the truth and nothing but the truth. Thus, on being introduced to some- one, you were honor bound to say, if you didn’t like him or her, “I take no pleasure whatever in meeting you!” And so on, during the evening. It was a little hard to keep it up, Mac tells me, but it was lots of fun and he advises you try it for yourself. Habitual liars need not play. No- body would believe them anyhow. Another party he attended was a dinner where your place card in- formed you of the person you were expected to be during the feast- making. Thus, if the card informed you that you were to be Rudy Vallee, the idea was that you were to be Rudy Vallee to the best of your abil- ity, each and every moment. You had to croon and be quite unspoiled and innocent—a terribly hard task no doubt for the average person— but that was the idea nevertheless. Police Note } ORMAN KAPPLER, who used to play offensive for Cornell, stopped his new Packard for a red light the other night when whango!—something hit him in the rear with a crash. Burn- ing with the fury of the righteous, Norman flung from the car and after viewing a painfully crumpled fender, began telling off the offending Chev- rolet and demanding licenses and things. The Chevrolet, however, on the theory that he who beefs loudest pays less, refused to admit anything. So Norman called a cop. The cop, with all the strange per- spicacity the police force can summon Get Hold ott SE oF PY OR | “NE ELLAS AN up at times, promptly waved the Chevrolet on. The driver of this beast went on with generous praises for Norman in the shape of good round Harlem salutes. Whereupon Norman burned up. He got the cop’s number and name and climbed back into his car, vow- ing to report him immediately for incompetency. Cranking up he headed right for the nearest police station, phrasing what he would tell the desk sergeant. Suddenly it dawned on him he couldn't fit the word “incompetency” into his speech. He tried and tried but couldn't make it. And he real- ized then he’d had had a couple too many d his tongue, if not thick, was exceedingly loose! So he turned sadly around and went home leaving the police force to strut its obnoxious way. Best Steppers LL Me Why You Smile Mona a & With Summer Coming On -Waring’s Pas.—Victor. Oh Monah & Tom Thumb’s Drum —Billy Cotton—Columbia. Cri People & Who Beside Me— New Yorkers—Victor. Every Little Bit of Me & It’s About Time—Haymes—Victor. Sharing & Lazy Day—Denny— Victor. Old Macdonald Had a Farm & Noah’s Ark—Russo—Columbia. Hummin’ to Myself & Whistle and Blow Your Blues Away—Hamp- Victor. —JupceE, IR. comicbooks.com