Judge — August 1932 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mistress Pepys’ Journal OOPERSTOWN, N. Y., July 15:— Awakened far too betimes by the noise from an auto-gyro which has been making the daytime so hideous for the entire household that our hostess is casting about for means of denouncing it as a nuisance, and Sam’s suggestion is that before consulting the village fathers she should circularize the ether over her property with kites bearing the legend, “Private Air—No Trespas- sing.” Reading after breakfast in the journal of Arnold Bennett, who says therein that no man healthy in mind and body ever wants to work, a statement which is a great comfort to me and which would have kept much of my money from chirurgeons had I encountered it sooner. I was also struck with the catholicity and sharpness of Bennett's observation, for Lord! the innumerable impres- sions which he gathered from a short stroll along a Paris street or a brief stop in a restaurant do make me feel as though I never actually see aught, albeit the same inference could never be drawn by my husband, poor wretch, who, when he walks through the town, does glance so alertly from side to side as to suggest that the police have put out a coast-to-coast warrant for his immediate arrest. Enid Agnew to call, telling me that her new stays have arrived and that she must now sell a few securities in order to pay for them, and we did laugh somewhat hollowly over the old days when public utilities, or By Baird Leonard even first-water diamonds, were con- sidered good investments. By this morning’s post a great box from my servant Virgie containing various vital necessities which I had _neg- lected to put in my trunk, and her competence in sending a small sleep- ing pillow and my favorite pepper mill did determine me straightway that when I die Virgie shall go to the nation. Most of the afternoon yone in gaming at the new two- handed bridge and in watching ten- nis, and at tea time the Eldridges did arrive with stirring tales of their trip up the Hudson, for not only did they lose one of the boathooks and the skipper’s cap, but the craft caught fire twice, and when, the ex- tinguisher being exhausted, Bill did attempt to persuade Lida into a life belt, she refused flatly to don it on the grounds that it was unbecoming, so that now, in gratitude for their eventual safe delivery at Albany, Bill has given her carte blanche at Bendel’s for a preserver which will not only keep her from drowning but enhance her appearance. ULY 16.—Up and did on my suit of | ewes damask, and then by mo- tor to the village, finding the main street alive with excitement over the news that little Bob Browne had hit old Mistress Larkin with his popgun, and, albeit his parents were depriv- ing him of pocket money and palat- able provender to punish him for his offence, several reputable citizens were volunteering to finance the ur- chin through college, give him his choice of roadsters, ete., if only he would repeat it. Encountered Paul Cooper, who told me about a man who had gone into a police station with the announcement that he in- tended to shoot Aimee Semple McPherson, Herbert Hoover, and Rudy Vallee, and who, when the officer at the desk asked his reason for selecting those three persons, had quoth, “For God, for country, and for Yale!” More guests in the after- noon, amongst them the Mantons, here on Great Britain’s mission to Rockefeller City, and Lady Manton told me how, in a general confusion over American money and at a loss as to what should be given the Pullman porter, she had made in- quiries of a stranger sitting opposite her, and had been no better off when he did inform her that a quarter was sufficient. Whereupon they did cide to play safe by laying out what they deemed to be four quarters, and when I did produce some metal cur- rency from which she was to indicate their choice, it was disclosed that the porter had received a brave quar- tet of buffalo nickels. But his courtesy in accepting them is a fine comment on his fidelity to the com- pany’s instructions. A great com- pany at dinner, for which we did have thin soup, lake bass with cucum- bers and tomatoes, saddle of mutton, rice croquettes, broccoli, creamed cel- ery, and ice cream with raspberry sauce, all very fine, but my chirur- geon still refuses me sherry and champagne in spite of what both po- litical parties said at their conven- tions. Fell to cards in the evening, and albeit I did gain eighteen dollars, I was at some pains to do so, and did go to bed resolved that one of the most ineffectual persons in the world is a contract player whose finessing is never successful, and that one of the most dispensable persons in the world is a partner who says, “You could have made it” and is wrong! “What time will I put on th’ p’tatoes, Mom?” comicbooks.com