Judge — July 1932 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE + THEATRE g > of George Jean Nathan He dramatic critics of London nization called the s’ Circle and the Critics’ ues every once in a while an interesting bulletin. In a recent number, Mr. L. Dunton Green reports what happened at the fifth congress of the International Federation of Critics in Lisbon, Portuyal, “in cir- cumstances of unusual brilliance, n for critics ustomed to the lavish hospitality of the cities which had previously received them.” “The festivities which had been arranged tor the delegates were many and on a generous scale,” Mr. Green informs us. “Apart from receptions organ- ized by the President of the Republic und the Ministers of Education and Foreign 4 rs, theatrical and musi- cal performances, bull-fights, lunch- eons, dinners and popular fétes de followed each other with be- wildering rapidity. Not the least curious feature of this congress was the almost incredible enthusiasm of the population itself which lined the streets wherever its guests showed themselves, greeted them with shouts in honor of every country repre- sented, fired rockets in day-time, il- luminated their several cities at night, and showered rose-leaves upon them, whilst popular improvisers chanted ex tempore poems in which the names of individual members were adroitly interwoven with the text.” Tam making immediate inquiries us to the quickest steamer to Portugal. The Portuguese have the right idea. Here I have been hang- ing around the United States all these years and the best I've got for being a critic is to be called a lot of unprintable names. The President of the Republic may have given re- ceptions to dozens of movie actor: but so far he hasn't even thought of giving me one. If T want a luncheon inner, I have to buy it for m ot a single bull-firht have the Circle nnit people instituted in nd nary a féte de a enthusiasm of the population wher ever I show myself is. strikingly noticeable for its complete absence and, if there are any shouts, they very closely resemble what is known in the local vernacular as the razz. berry, For years I have been wait- ing for rocke for years | have been looking for cities illuminated at n as a testimonial to me, and for years I have been patiently snifliny th ir for so much as the tribute of a single rose-leaf. And the only poem in all that time in which my name has been adroitly interwoven with the text has goné€ something like thi “There is a juekass named han Who smells like Limburyer cheese, A dunce, a shyster, & moron Whom nothing ever can pl If you have a heart, you accord- ingly may be able faintly to appreci- ate my desire to get to Portugal as quickly as possible. I muy confide that I am willing to put off the trip for a little while longer if America will see the error of its ways and do somethiny about me, but my patience is pretty well exhausted. I'll com- on nothing less than a big blank verse poem of at least ten stanzas and a free lunch. thing less would be beneath m) nity and just deserts. If it rains, I am willing to postpone the parade but it’s the poem and the lunch im- mediately or nothing. America does not know how to treat its crit The only conceiv- able way in which a critic could get an invitation to the White House would be for him first to dye his hair inum blond, endorse Lux and a letter of introduction from Mr. Louis B. Mayer. If we had a Minister of Education, furtherm« as Portugal has, he would, judwinz from the calibre of a number, of cabi- net appointees, probably not be able to read and so wouldn't be aware honor nuit. 16 that there were any receptions to. As critics to give for the yeneral population, its apathy to critics is proporti cent. All the sproaching the magnifi- dramatic critics in the United States assembled in’ grand convention and yelling themselves ho: over the virtues of something. like “The Playboy of the Western World” couldn’t succeed in persuad- ing one fifty-thousandth of the pop- ulation that it was one-fiftieth so worthwhile as Greta Garbo’s t movie. And the idea of throwing rose-leaves on damphools so ignorant as to argue the contrary would be enough to send the flect promptly over to Portugal and blow up them wops. Always a constructive critic, I propose to a backward nation a pro- xvamme for the honoring of the neg- lected dramatic critics who have tried so hard to improve the country’s Kultur and who, in the attempt, have self-sacrifici lost so many cherished opportunities to spend the evenings at hot burlesque shows. I propose, first of all, that the last in July of the present ye be ly put aside for the business the President forthwith broade a proclamation to that effect. The first day of the week will be given over to a banquet last- ing from eleven in the morning until three o'clock the following morning, in the old Anheuser-Busch brewery in St. Louis. The second day will be devoted to recovery. On the third day, Wednesday, morning memorial s will be held on the site of the ur Pepper distillery acros the river from Cincinnati, Ohio. which the parade, led by the Bethle- hem, Pa., Bach choir, will march to the site of the old James E. Pepper distillery and hold more memorial services. In the evening, there will he ping-pong tournament, during: which especially imported Creole (Page 29, please)