Judge — May 7, 1932 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“May I call you tulip?’ Frasnsworti Il: Well it looks as if the Republicans and the Demo- crats are out for business. Skippy: Well, it'll be the first busi- ness in four y FaRNSWorRTH II: I wonder if Hoover is going to run another term. Skippy: He’s got to look over his reports an’ see whether he gave the If he finds he didn't get rid of it in four years, then the women'll rise up an’ insist that he another chance, ‘cause ya can't give away a rich country like this in four teeny-weeny years. Look at all the time it took to build it up. Europe’s for Hoover ’cause it’s the first time Santy Claus was ever in the White House. They'll never get a break like that again. FARNsWorTH II: I think our Presi- dent Hoover was very smart when he started to economize by cutting down the navy. Think of it—sixty million dollars saved like that! You can’t say that isn’t economy. Skippy: Maybe you're right, I don’t know. Hoover may still save on the rest o’ the cruiser buildin’ by callin’ on the nation to save their razor blades. FARNSWORTH II: Just the same, our President Hoover out ts people who think they know it all, by ing on the navy when there isn’t a war. I guess you never thought of that. Skippy: May I call you tulip? FARNSWORTH II: When the news of wi our President Hoover did, reached the Anti-Toy League, they cheered for fifty minutes. JUDGE Skippy Dialogues By Percy Crosby Skippy: Well, 0’ course, they knew he’d come through in war time by appointin’ a committee. If the war was over before seventeen months, think of all the money’d be econo- mized. FARNSWORTH II: That’s where our President Hoover would be smart. Skippy: Maybe your President Hoover has something up his sleeve. NswortH II: What do you KIPPY: I mean he’s out to conquer the world by peacefare. What's to stop him from copyrightin’ the idea an’ gettin’ Gandhi over here by buzzin’ him that all the Hollywood canaries is fightin’ to be his disci- ples? That'd bring Gandhi over so fast he’d forget to stop at Rome. Once he was here, Hoover’d appoint a peacefare commission to rush through a raft Gandhi could worry the enemy fleet. The minute the carpenter in the Brooklyn navy yard got it under way, Gandhi’d be sent to Frisco. Well, sir, he'd float out through the Golden Gate, an’ once out in the Pacific, he’d open the sealed orders what the Secretary 0’ Peace gave him, an’ what do you think there’d be—a note from your President Hoover tied to a yeast cake, an’ Gandhi'd read: “Build urself up, sir!” One bite o’ the yeast cake an’ Gandhi'd tear into spinnin’ a new American flag, put- tin’ white feathers where the stars usta be. Every’ time he'd spin a feather, he’d hum to himself: “What ho! Non-resistance!” Well, sir, by so's 4 the time the whole enem over, clustered with every kind of a gun that Hoov let the foreigners take off our ships, Gandhi’d have them licked by peacefare. The ad- mirals an’ the officers an’ the sailors'd see that they was all wrong—Gandhi out there alone hummin’ to himself —an’ what would they do but throw the guns overboard an’ cable to the Mikado for spinnin’ wheels. FARNSWORTH IT: It would be much better than fighting. Skippy: Oh don’t get me wrong— don’t get me wrong! Victory, I'm tellin’ ya—victory! Gandhi'd be so famous that Shaw—ya know the man with the face full o’ whiskbrooms— would come over here s he could be photographed on the raft. Well, sir, if ya can imagine the how-d'ya- do at the Capitol when Gandhi marched down Pennsylvania Avenue with his raft on roller skates. Boy, c’n you imagine it—the whole nation sittin’ down to goat’s milk. After the women had kissed the spinnin’ wheel to a splinter, Gandhi’d reporter, “Who is this Washington?” A crack like that'd rt the D. A. R. thinkin’, an’ before ya knew it, little school children would be followin’ him to the boat singin’: “Gandhi! Gandhi! Tutti- fruitti candy!" FARNSWORTH II: Maybe you're going to tell me that the Democrats will change all the good work the Republicans have done? Skippy: No, I think the Democrats are jealous ‘cause they see that the people like it. What are ya talkin’ about? Ain’t they puttin’ up a man who they claim can out-straddle your President Hoover? FARNSWORTH _ II: Governor Roosevelt? fleet came You mean SKIPPY: That’s the man. Him, the U Tammany Tiger, an’ the K.K.K. are just like that—Buddies! Just to show Hoover up, Roosevelt’d carry out a better whisperin’ campaign than the President did when the Wickersham report come out. He'd get up a Cabinet of pacifists, arma- mentists, Catholics, K.K.K.’s, drys an’ wets. He'd spill a nugget into the ear of the K.K.K.: “I hear a (Page 28, please) comicbooks.com