Judge — April 30, 1932 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“We couldn't find the life net, chief!” JUDGE LTHOUGIH this circular is addressed primarily to the many thousand of satisfied customers who bought the Original Fumbler and would not be without one any time they have a baby, it will be no doubt read by others not familiar with the Fumbler on account of they have not had a baby up to now or do not know body who has one, so I will describe the New Improved Fumbler for same. The veteran parents who have the original Fumbler, they can see where I have improved it in this model. The Acme Fumbler was invented by me so that parents could keep up with the march of progress in every way. In the old days all babies were fumbled by hand. A parent or their friends would clutch its stomach and say, “Cootchie Coo,” or “Kootchi Koo,” as it is sometimes spelled, in a high voice. This kind of fumbling was old fashioned and unhyyienic. ny Mode science did not approve of it. So I invented an automatic fumbler that was also hyyienic. It is endorsed by physicians. T is something like the clutchers that grab up dirt where buildings are yoing to be or that puts rocks on barges for colored people to yell and wave their hands at, only smafler. The arm works up and down at any speed desired up to 30 times per minute. At the bottom or Fumbliny end is the hygienic sub- stitute for the human hand. It is a rubber thing like the rubber funnel you use to unstop kitchen sinks that you have poured too much coffee srrounds other places. So this rubber clutcher comes down, grabs the baby’s stomach, shakes from side to side and then goes back up, imitating the effect of a hand. I also provided a phonograph at- tachment which I fixed so that every time the clutcher reached the stom- ach the phonograph said ‘“Cootchie Coo” in a high voice of either sex. So I solved a problem which the old hand fumbling could never meet. This Fumbler gave isfaction to thousands, but now, after much work and research, I have made up some improvements that really perfect it. First, I realized that the original clutcher was not the perfect substi- tute for the human hand. By con- stant contact with the stomach it grew warm, and it could not be kept into, or 16 Acme New Improved Fumbler By Travis Ho clammy enough to resemble th hands that baby’s stomachs are use to being fumbled by. o now T hav devised 2 small electric ice box at tachment that you plug in and keep |} a supply of clams in, and I hay made the Fumb! arm hollow, anc on each up stroke a clam drops int: the arm and drops down to the rul ber clutcher where of course it come in contact with the baby’s stomac! so that with the Improved Fumbl: the fumbling is cold and clammy the time. Also, the same clams ma be used repeatedly by replacing i ice box now d then. But the other improvement is im portant too. All neere ent want to briny up their children right and to talk right not to sa “Cantcha” and “Dontcha,” so T hav J new records made by the mo refined and popular radio announcer of both sexes, and these new records don’t say “Cootchie Coo” but teact the baby from the beyvinning to tal right because the new “Cootyie Coo.” So that is what the Acme New Im proved Fumbler is like, and I should add that it is still made of the best materials and will last the averay parent’s life time or money bac The motive power, as before, is stean which is made by burning yas loys under the Fumbler boiler, and Fumbler uses on the average onl about a cord a month, unless there are twins, so as records sity Ik order to introduce my Acm New Improved Fumbler to eithe parents who now operate the original |] model or never had one, I am makir a special combination offer for this month only: My Parents’ Outfit Number 3M, consisting of 1 Acm New Improved Fumbler, complet: with steam and whistle and fully adju 1 Phonograph Choice of 3 re ds of any sex; 1 Ice 1 Cord yas logs; 1 Doz. Little clams. And also 1 Acme fying Het and pair Sleeve |) Bands to ch. ne Cod extra. sed in neat leath | vift box, with book of instructions. |) Shipping weight 236 Ibs. Thanking old and new customer= for the patronage, Respectfully, PARENTS Supp.y Co. per Thoke ACME comicbooks.com