Judge — April 16, 1932 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wer JUDGE »yring Fever t=) By Katherine Best S RING Fever is a disease peculiar in man. It is even more peculiar in woman. Man suffers from it dur- iny those three months that precede » but woman suffers from it the year round. In the winter calls her malady “end of a brilliant social season” collapse. The incubation period lasts from Mrs. Felix War- burton’s dinner bridge to S. Phillip Otvs theatre par I vy this time the victim is s ly prominent, financially independent, and con- versatio brilliant. The germ hatches. She complains of rolling eyes and itching palms. Her heart burns; her tongue wags. Definite symptoms are lack of enthusiasm for steeplechases, and trumping of part- ners’ tricks. The crisis arrives when Miss Therese Pennybacker Fish neglects to send an invitation to a most exclusive reception, At. thi point the patient is either flat on her back or out of her head. She divides her attention between alibis and hysteria. She is not onl motionally unstrung but herme' cally sealed. Some comfort may be derived from re-ostracizing Miss Therese Pennybacker Fish, but the most effective treatment has been ound to be a library card or a nice Englishman. T summer form of Spring Fever is generally known as “I'm so frail, I just can’t stand thi heat” retirement. It has been esti- mated that the annual loss of woman power during the run of thi relentless plague is sufficient to darn 15,846 socks, and prepare an in- estimable number of dinners. The effect is nationwide. Not a one of us is immune. The number of Pacific Coast women incapacitated at this time is large enough to fill 44 delicatessen stores with 12 left over to attend afternoon teas and spoil their appetites. The sti disastrously afflicted. The height of the summer's run of Spring Fever is reached on or bout September 1 when resort bills hegin to filter through. On_ this date the patient is so near a complete collapse the discussion of finances might end disastrously. The disease begins the first hot day and lasts until Hillsborough Country Club closes its current season with a masque ball. It is then that the t is as 1¢ patient shows a reviving interes historical data, temperatures, rotoyravure. He Fall term of Spring Fever contemporary with the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Plus Moore from two years’ travel abroad, and is re- 2 as the “absolutely nothing to wear” period. During this phase of th fiction, results are best obtained by swathing the sufferer in tons of bath towels and not allowing Plus Moore admittance sick room. The patient's room should be profusely festooned with fashion sheets and pari-mutual stubs, » should be alloted two telephone calls a day, one to her bootleyger and the other to Mrs. Perkins, the dressmake: Mrs. Perkins — will quote p ind other items of yen- eral interest and a steady rise will be observed in the patient's blood It is at this point that the Victim's response to treatment may mean the world’s salvation. If she spends the morning gurgling happily over gathers, she may be said to road to uncovery. coun odays, and gussets, 2 on the high If on the other hand she counts six fingers, she must be placed in a dark room to receive callers. The callers should be taken at intervals of fifteen) minutes and should not be permitted to discuss night clubs, entrance examinations, or pomeranians. If at any time the patient shows an unreasonable in- terest in golf scores, she should be allowed to take a few steps in the direction of the ball and swing natur. from the shoulders down A check for medical services should be sent to Dr. Hugo Yorway and should bounce back the next ¢ This will aggravate the sufferer. She will curse roundly, rise from her bed, and balk. She will issue in- vitations to a informal little” tea and, upon greeting the three hundred guests wh ve anywhere from six minutes early to one day late, she will count the dresses in her closet and immediately resume normalcy. Great care should be exercised for the n few weeks that she is not cross-examined on platforms or boundaries of p Of course it is unnec uss Spring Fever in the It requires too much energy ' comicbooks.com