Judge — March 26, 1932 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Absorb | That Overflow During the drinking year of 1931, untold millions of pianos, mantelpieces, side- hoards, escritoirs and end tables were Absolutely Ruined by the GIN RING MENACE! At Your Next Party Protect Your Furniture Puta Dr. Seus: COASTER Beneath Every ss | 8 compet Attractive Colors ona Liquid - Absorbing Stock Dr. Seuss (Coaster Division) JUDGE, 18 East 48th St., Y. City Dear Dr. Ring Ring, T enclose Box of Eight.) roll me in your Ant Fifty Cents for City and State JUDGING THE SPORTS (Continued from page 8) projecting me into the lazy langours of the tropics, where for weeks I would have to live with the J. Pierpont Pier- ponts on their yacht and mingle with the royalty of Park Avenue. With only variations, this grinding, crushing routine would con- tinue throughout the summer, or un- til I had exhibited my genius and wizardy in London, Paris, Budapest and Berlin, with a few weeks’ respite in the South of France with nobody even permitting me to pick up a check, reatizep all the while that I w but a human pawn in the hands of designing vipers, but so great was my love for the game and my count prestige, that I was more than willin to suffer these terrible hardships, b cause after all, a good soldier is a good soldier for all of that, as my friend Mr. Kipling (whom I met at tea with Lady Astor, Georgie Shaw and Phil Scott) might say. But it not until later in my career, when I was urged to go into business and capitalize all the pub- licity the vulgar pressinen had heaped upon my helpless shoulders, that I rned what a shallow, futile, super- al thing the life of champion really is. I went in for bonds, a business that appealed to me because it is creative I have always ad- mired the stone masons, the riveters and the steel puddlers. I their lowly way, they are doers, too. In short, I wanted to be a doer. Allow me, please, to cite the case of Mr. Joseph Q. Bananas, chairman of the greens committee of the Never Up- Never In Golf and Country club, shot a friendly Bananas over his own course in the week, and because it seemed to please him so much I mischievously allowed him to beat me, although I had my difficulties be Mr. Bananas never shoots under 146. After the round I remarked that I had never seen a more sporty course, especially the short he and that IT didn't know three men in the world who could hope to break par on it. I like to say such things to men like Mr. Bananas because them so much pl “By the way ‘what is your business?” I told him bonds, and he asked me to drop around and sce him. When I called, the room was clustered with bond sales- men, some of whom had been in the business for twenty years; my heart sank, but when Mr. Bananas heard I was outside he sent for me immediately. was an amateur and constructive. mean, in round with } use it seems to give reception 28 guy is a sucker to buy bonds these days,” he said, “but because I like you I am going to let you make yourself $5,000. Don't tell me what you're selling. “I haven't got time to listen. Just write out an order and I'll sign it. And now how about goin out to the club for another round of golf? IT want you to show me what's wrong with my putting.” Of course I did not like to take this kind of money, especially since it was a check, and what's more, I realized that ticd up somewhere in the trans- action were the sham and hypocrisy of amateurism, those festering sores on the white body of sport to which I am fiercely opposed. Goodness, what I've had to go through! Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean Revised by the Wine-Cup Drinkers’ Society Coresan, the paste jewel of parts of the ocean, mortgaged of the com paratively brave and the qual- ifiedly free, shrine of cach politician's devo tion, That part of the world under ob 1 ions offers homage to thee: Thy draft-laws make heroes assemble, When liberty’s stands in view, Thy manners make poverty tremble When borne by the Red, White, and Blue. I said the home formidableness Blue. —F. P. A, in the N.Y. Herald Tribune comicbooks.com