Judge — March 26, 1932 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Just like your relatives. We go to visit them, and they ain't even at home.” Games We Love Not to Play ck noekey is played in cold. cli- mates like Alberta, Canada, or the Los Angeles Arena, The rules are the same as for blackjacking pedes- trians except that they don’t put you in the coop so long in hockey. All'the good professional players ‘are a dians, with one American exception— and he went to Harvard. When hockey is played outdoors, the idea is to shove your opponents into holes in the icc. When it is played indoors, the idea is to shove them against the wooden sideboards that surround the ice. There are no. particular localities especially favorable to. indoor rinks except that they are compelled by law to be situated within one block of a Hockey is much faster than injuries averaging ten per against seven in football. The game is played with a hard-rubber disk known as a puck, which is driven with all your might at various oppo- JUDGE nents until they finally get sick of it and allow you to shoot it into a large net cage known as the goal. The man who defends it is known as the goal tend, and he can get away with wear i nything but spats—just as in real life. There was once a goal tend who lived to be thirty-seven. He quit the © and joined the Foreign Legion. A hockey forward must be able to skate fast and he must be versatile— having the ability to catch opponents in the jaw with cither end of his stick, trip adversaries from any position, elbow them in the ribs, stomach or neck, and describe their ancestry viv- idl A defense man doesn't have to skate, but should weigh over two hun- dred. His job is to fall down in front of approaching skaters and avoid catching their skates in his eve. The referce’s function is to blow his whis- tle every two minutes—for no reason at all—and to break up fist fights. —Parkre Cummincs A Pox I SHALL forever thumb my nose At Murphy beds and radios. -Marcaret Fisipack Travel Note I nore I'll never take a train From any railroad station, Attended by the members of A family delegation Who feel the firm conviction that A fitting demonstration Of grief at my departure calls For noisy osculation! —Antuvr Lirpmann