Judge — January 2, 1932 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

New Year’s Resolutions of a Gag Writer Ne more jokes about Gandhi, Mus- solini, Scotchmen, plumbers’ help- | ers who walk into ladies’ bathrooms without knocking, and Irish footbs players with Polish nomenclatu more Sino-Jap War laundry cracks, depression — sugge iceman or wrestling whi . No more picces that start off “She was so dumb that” | and “I know a 1 who,” and “Sim ple Sadie says— 1 also swear off all Nathan credo imitations and things that run like The first ride in the park... . cop on his horse who glared like a centaur... . The utter feeling of in- capability. ... The nasty look in the horse's eye. ... The feeling that jodh- purs were not meant for you.” ... In fact, anything that can’t be written without the use of three dots is tabs Absolutely no more dialogues be tween two men that sound as if they were discussions of the newest death- ray machine and then in the last line turn out to be sales talks for the latest fly swatter. I also swear off all imitations of Walter Winchell, Graham MeNamee, Dorothy Parker, Ring Lardner and Ernest Hemingway. Author's If any of those MSS. like the above which I wrote last week are going to be accepted, I'm only fooling! —Rex Deane No Bid (A Shorter Short Story) “T it bid two diamonds,” said Alice. “Oh, Vernon has been on the wagon for weeks. Haven't you, Vernon?” “Two spades,” said Vernon. “Well, not exactly on the wagon. Just sort of running side “Four | . id the hostess. “George and [ never serve highballs any more. We don't care for them. Do we, George? “Double four hearts,” said the host. “Been a couple of weeks sings we | served any, There’s some gin in the kitchen now we had left.” “Redouble. There is some gin in the kitchen?” “Four spades. Some you had left, George? If it's been sitting back there in the kitchen it must be 2 “Double. There isn’t any g ale. Might be some oranges.” “Redouble. Say, let's. throw ha in. What do “LM squeeze th “TL get the “TI get the glasses.” “AM right. I'll put away the bridge table.” —Tom Sims LUDINGTON AIRLINES | I Sih hs, | 94 PLANES Cae A tting: A ttzy BETWEEN NEW YORK 480 WASHINGTON | @ every hour on the hour e | SERVING NEWARK, TRENTON, PHILADELPHIA, WILMINGTON, BALTIMORE, NORFOLK e Comfortably heated, well ventilated Airliners e Tickets and Information at all L Travel Bureaus, Penna. R. R. Tic! OR JUST CALL WESTERN UNION LUDINGTON AIRLINES | VANDERBILT HOTEL Park Avenue at Thirty-fourth Street New York Single room and private bath ~ — 3.00 per day Donile ream with yeas bed SEDGEFIELD abo Sa INN Sedgefield-Greensboro, N.C. Right now, when winter grips the North with icy hands, and Boreas sends his windy vanguard to chase away the sport of warmer days, Sedgefiel at its colorful best. Riding is entranc- tennis is zestful. memorable for the true Southern hospitality so traditionally @ part of the Sedgebeld environment. All's right with the world at Sedgefeld...now, Write for liter- ature to JOHN C. WALLER, Meneger. ees cs HUNTING & FISHING 104 Transit Bldg, Boston, Mass. 31