Judge — December 26, 1931 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE Greetings, Friends! By Frank Sullivan Fre the nonce 1 desire to lay aside every petty grudge, And through the happy medium of this magazine, Juvae, Wish a Merry Christmas in this 1931 December To the human race, of which I have the honor to be a member. This means I wish it to you and to you, To everyone, pal or stranger, Baptist, Republican or Jew. I wish a maximum of cheer To Lily Pons and Thomas Beer; I do not know Friend Beer or Lily, But I wish it to them, willy-nilly. To Marie Dressler and Londos, the wrestler, Barrymore, Ethel, and George Jethel; Ellen Key and Trathe B, Traffic A and Evelyn I Traffic D and those at s: Traffic—in fact, all the cops Who czar it o'er our Gos and Stops. Lynn Fontanne and Dolly Gann, Al Capone and Dudley Field Malone, Rudy Vallee, Frank O'Malley Warden Lawes and Santa C I bear them not the slightest m This also goes for Edgar Wallace, And, for that matter, Longworth, Alice. or have felt any spleen st Robert Underwood Johnson or Neysa MeMein, So I wish them, too, a day of joy; I wish it, auch, for Myrna Loy. All happiness to Norman Thomas, To Clara Bow and red-hot mammas. ason’s greetings to the Senate's chief roarer, Who might be Hi Johnson or he might be Borah. I ne [ test the Navy League will cease its sailors’ maneuvers, And thus allow a peaceful Yule to the Hoovers; And although I probably was never so broke, I generously trust this is not the case with Secretary Doak Nor with Sceretary Mellon; I hope Uncle Andy Is financially simply fine and dandy. There's one I'd like to catch having a good wassail Yule, And that's our old friend and severest critic, Mrs. Ella Boole. To my faithful valet, if I had one, I'd certainly give a generous check, doubtless a bad one. I'm sending a card to Toscanini, But he ain't sending any to Mussolini. I hope I can slake my Christmas thirst, And 1 hope that hope for Fannie Hurst; I'd like to cheer up poor Eugene O'Neill And somehow get him to sort of feel That God's in His Heaven and all's right with the world; Maybe I could do it if I could yet Gene boiled. To the G. O. P. I say, “Don't be a mourner, Asperity is just around the corner.” I give a toast, bluff but cheery, To Maude Adams and Wallace Bee To Greta Garbo and, oh, good he: ens, Let's not forget Steffens! dear old Lincoln [1 certainly pleases me to wish a Happy Christmas to all fiddlers named Mischa, As well as to Joseph Stalin and Jean Malin Sigmund Freud and Harold Lloyd, louett Shouse and Mickey Mouse, Bascom Slemp and Walter Camp, To the Guaranty Trust and those who lust Their shirts in the recent market bust. Irvin Cobb and Charlie Schwab, Bill MeFee and Queen Maric, Ambassador Garrett, Ursula Parrott. To Kohler of Kohler and all other plumbers, To Alexis Woollcott and all other mummers, Simeon Fess and Myra Hess, >. Curry, Judge Seabury jpbell and all morticia y Hall and all politi West and Leonard Me nes Holmes and every cleric, ans and other doctors, Garbage men and college proctors, And to those who play the duleimer— To all these my greetings could not be fulsomer. To doormen, starters, boys on ele- vators, Busboys, captains, headwaiters, Chefs and other purvey I extend a glad holiday hand, devoid of cash; Like Walt Whitman, I love them, one and all, But I've had a little trouble getting money on call. I wish Merry Christmas to my drug- gist and grocer, But do I wish it to the Methodist Board of Temperance and Mor- als? NO, sir! Christmas greetings are all very fine, But somewhere you certainly must draw the line. BY —<—— we oO oe RAUL CRE RUT Resistance comicbooks.com