Judge, 1931-10-31 · page 12 of 36
Judge — October 31, 1931 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Connoisseur" by Jack Cheerr This satirical piece mocks the "know-it-all" type who pontificates about subjects he claims expertise in while actually dispensing dubious or cynical advice. The comic shows a man lecturing "Mrs. Drake" and "Mrs. Waldo" on various topics: coffee, Hollywood films, fur coats, varnish, pipe smoking, and education. The humor derives from his contradictions and pretension—he dismisses authentic experiences (Atlantic icebergs, real actors) as fakes while revealing his "knowledge" is actually jaded cynicism. He debunks products through chemical analysis ("Methyl"), yet simultaneously boasts of fooling people. His final advice—that prep school is worthless and the "School of Hard Knocks" superior—epitomizes the persona: someone who mistakes worldly disillusionment for wisdom. The title references Graham McNamee, a famous radio announcer, suggesting this character announces his opinions with similar authoritative pomposity.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE THE CONNOISSEUR By Jack Cheerr “Tastes, sister: Don't tell me any- ~ thing about coffee. It’s all in how you make it, All brands of cof- fee are just the same—every bean from the same field—all ship) to the same mill from Br: They just put different labely on it, but. it’s alike. Take it from me: coffee is cof- fe ind that settles it. nuth Pole your grandmother! Those icebergs were made out of white paper in a Hollywood studio. The snow is nothing but gypsum, and where you saw that balloon falling into the occan, why it’s no bigger than an ordinary cigar... . / Absolute- ly! What you’ thought was the At- lantic was just a bathtub full of water... . Oh, those weren't real men —those were dummies, lly think that’s genuine . do y . Don't 1 me augh. Listen: I've forgot more about fur than you'll ever know. ‘Two months ago that coat was a muskrat crawling along the banks of the Hud son River. Next time you think of buying any fur you'd better ha talk with me... / Absolutely! I ean smell the dye. “Ho, ho! That's a hot one. Who ever had the nerve to tell you this varnish was real? .. . Now let me a friendly steer on how to » goods. In the first. place, ircle cut in the bottom of this . . Cut out with a red hot wire. the bum printing job on this >... Right off a local press. w, wait till I rub a few drops be- “Graham McNamee Announcing! tween the palms of my hands... . There, now—smell that! ... Methyl, brother. Methyl. “T couldn't help but overhear your conversation, Mrs. Drake. I happen to have traveled all over the face of this ylol There's absolutely noth- ing on the tinent. It’s all over- take a tip from one who knows, and give up Paris, Berlin, Vienna, Copenhagen, Brussels London, . .. Have you ever be Atlantic City? Well, believe m get more for your money in City than in all the fore put together. “Listen You can't enjoy a pipe smoking it that way. I usec smoke like that until I learned better. 2. What's > Plenty! You t to smoke from the bottom up. you put in just a little tob and here: wrong? and then light it. ‘Then vou keep packing more and more on top. The way vou g well be st thing “ at your mixture is no good. When you get to be as old a hand at it bouquet and aroma, you as I 1 you'll appreciate “Prep school, me eye! Don't make me laugh, Mrs. Waldo. Why, you might just as well send your bey to jail as send him there. Make him finish high school and then send him around the world on a freighter. If you have a grain of sense you'll listen to me: hool of Hard Knocks is the best college—and, believe me, I know what I'm talking about.” comicbooks.com