Judge, 1931-10-10 · page 8 of 36
Judge — October 10, 1931 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains three satirical pieces from Judge magazine (likely 1930s based on style): 1. **"What a Break!"** — A poem by Arthur Lippmann mocking a 900-year-old Florida turtle expecting twins during the Depression. The joke: even animals shouldn't reproduce when resources are scarce and unemployment is high. 2. **Top cartoon** — A domestic scene where a baby learned to say an expletive, with the mother blaming the father's "scotch" (whiskey). The satire targets Prohibition-era drinking and masculine irresponsibility. 3. **"Hollywood Statistics"** — A humorous list of hypothetical scenarios about Hollywood excess (gin consumption, unemployed actors, typewriters, superlatives, extras, virgins, and ham sandwiches). It satirizes Hollywood's wastefulness and overproduction during economic hardship. The cartoons collectively mock Depression-era social problems through exaggeration and absurdist logic.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
| What a Break! (000-Year-Old Florida Turtle Is Father of Twins) N ine hundred years this turtle dwelt In the depths of pleasant waters, oying domesticity With his grown-up sons and daugh- ters. But now he's looking for the stork And they'll have a heated session. How dare the stork bring turtle twins In need of food and gloves for fins, And bassinettes and baby pins In the midst of this depression! —Arrtucr Lippmann Er “Say! Who's going to turn in this alarm? You, or me?” “John, baby’s learned to talk “Fine! Ask him what the heck he did with my watch!!!” HOLLYWOOD STATISTICS [2 the scenarios written in Holly- wood during the last year were piled in a cleared space one mile square they would make a swell bon- fire. If all the unemployed actors in Hollywood were put to work in one large production there wouldn't be any unemployed actors in Hollywood. If all the song writers in Holly- wood were seated at pianos placed on Wilshire Boulevard they would make a helluva noise, risten, Zebb, there's a deficit in the State budget. Go tell the Harem Guards they'll have to take another cut. 6 If all the bottles of gin consumed by Hollywood actors over one week- end were } aced in the street in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater, there would be a lot of punctured automo- bile tires. If all the really good actors in Hollywood were put on a train headed for New York, we would ce sorry to see him go. If all the typewriters used by Hol- Iywood authors were dropped from the Goodyear Blimp while cruising over Hollywood at high noon, it would be necessary to treat a lot of Iowans for scalp wounds. If all the superlatives written about Hollywood were gathered together in one book, what good would it be? If all the extras in Hollywood were placed shoulder to shoulder in a large field, it would be just another war picture. If all the virgins in Hollywood were formed in a line along Sunset Boule- nf them would good percents If all the ham sandwiches sold in one day in the drug stores along Hol- lywood Boulevard were dumped into a pit one hundred feet deep it would be an awful waste of good food. If some of the authors in Holly- wood would spend more time tryi turn out good movie script and time playing golf, the movies would probably be just as bad as they are now. —D. HL A. aa Pe aye I