Judge — September 12, 1931 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Spade. South played the nine of trumps and if West overtrumped it was hopeless while, on an undertrump, dummy was in position to discard the Diamond. It is interesting double-dummy play discarded a round of tramps have been defeated. to note that t could have Diamond on the second d the hand would I Thought I'd Die! at the I happened back st: where Heywood Broun’s — show “Shoot the Works!" is playing. A lad ankled in, asked for Broun, and said: “I'm a lightning calculator, can you use me? “What's a ed Heywood, “Oh,” ‘said the applicant, “you simply write down a long serics of Cohan lightning calculator?” Plaint of a Mere Man rnk’s something that disturbs my days, The constant spread of mayonnaise ; At luncheon, dinner, supper, tea, They serve it out in gobs to me; It overflows in oozy streams On salads, fruits. into my dreams; Won't someone and ways please find means To check this flow of mayonnaise? | —Paturixpen “The women out our way have formed a seeret socicty.” “Tut! Women don't know how to keep secrets.” “But this society isn't to keep se- crets; it’s to tell them.” Boston Transcript Well, 1 numbers ona board. I look at them a we've had one good laugh , moment, then I turn my back, and I this month anyway, We've just heard cither add, subtract or multiply them — that our maid hay got a job in a china ; for you as fast ning.” store. i “That sounds said Broun, —Deotiw Onision : “call me at noon tomorrow at Bar- clay 7-32 Old Gentleman (bewildered at an ' “Hmmm,” hmmm'd the lightning — claborate wedding) — Are you. the ‘ calculator, “would you mind writing — bridegroom? that number down? Young Man—No, sir. 1 was elimi- # —Watter Wincuert, nated in the semifinals. in the Daily Mirror —Annarotis Loo Mistress—The last maid I had was i. s too fond of policemen, Mary. I shall Sign of the Times expect you to avoid them. Have you heard of the unemployed N Maid—Don't worry about = man who put a sign on his gate read- that I ‘ates the sight of ‘em. i “Agents, solicitors, cte., ete. My father’s a bur; Beware of the Wolf on —Mancuest Ning News the Porch —Paturinver STAVIAG rts nd ck yw est em re ind bur old ind ore ind kit- , in in tit ere The Absent-Minded Boss ” WISE... really shrewd. +. Vvoyagers plan to sail when the PARIS sails! HE really clever Transatlantic traveller (if you can get him r to talk ways and means) seans the sailing list for the next depar- ture of the Paris—then bases dates on that. There is growing a large “inside-stuff-society” of people who regard her as prising number of uncomr (and uncommonly sixteen suites with private glass-br he ship: her sur- ive) cabins; her kfast-rooms facing the ocean; her restrained-modern decora- inex, STATEROOM 48} tion; her speed; her solidity; and the friendly, trained civility of her people . . . all these are factors in their choice. Someone with a liking for phrases has called her “the aristocrat of the sea""—and it's pretty accurate. Comparisons are odious; to try to tag any French Liner is splitting hairs, But there is dis- tinction about this princess-royal of the fleet; she offers the traditional French Line luxury, its SMOKING SALON its gayety and its sense of being nstantly-looked-after-and-never-bothered, ha special touch which is apparent to an army of nice people. o Pier $7 and see a friend of yours sail on the Paris. You'll sce why, Or better—call the French Line, 19 State Street—or any author- ized agent—and set out on a toyage that is superlatively bon. comicbooks.com