Judge — August 22, 1931 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE VAT Thank heavens, nastic I haven't the following means for gym- week-ends: a 35-ft. diving board, a polo field, a tennis court, a bowling alley, a pogo stick, a pole vault, a bicycle an eight-oared shell or a half-mile track. Lord knows what would happen to me if I had. It all suggests to me one thing. There ought to be a new event tricd out at the Olympics at Los Angeles next year. ['d call it the Week-end C athalon, and it will be a kind of pent [It will consist of a hundred things that guests rily do on an ordinary week-end. With my training, T ought to be the Jim Thorpe of this event. However, I'm not going to be ungracious about it all. I have a nice place in the country and I have a lot of friends whom I do a lot of good by inviting out. So I've decided that I'm just. gi to go on giving house-p: I'm going to fill the house week-end full to the beams with guests and then I'm = going to sneak off into the Adirondacks to some quiet fambly hotel for a quiet ambly week-end. After all, the happiest people are those who live for others and not themselves, velodrome, Protest H ere is a little protest I'd like to make, born of recent obser- vation, Whenever the Federal snoops feel it about time to swoop down on the breakers of The-Law-vs.-Barleycorn, do they pick out a group of sotto voces that boast gre 0 dinners, poor wate red stock and ghastly interior decoration? Heck no. TI go for one type of place: the quiet, informal type of pl like the Tavern Restaurant, over on West 48th Stre Dinty Moore's, Cavanagh’s and the like. h of these places furnishes about the best food in New York. I’ve never seen any noisy, flagrant or any other kind of law- king in any of them. They all are inducive to a ng, comfortable atmosphere of good brew, good eating and zood fellowship. How do you tic witk in my best editorial mood, I'd like to protest against the gradual disappearance of the smart shops on Fifth Avenue. Despite their snobbery, their grand- opera manner, their i reents and vie-set la y did sell the best made things you could buy in America. PRPRECRS \WHo OUGHT To BE DIGGING “DiTcHey! outs, MUNIOR, \ CULTIVATE B17 A RUBBER PLANT y ay But what with the horrible old depression many of these places are failing. Worst of all, they are slipping into mediocrity, cither selling out to low- minded cretins, who immediately sell low-grade stuffs under a high-grade hall- mark and ancient and honorable name or are putting down the quality of their things automatically to keep step with the current pocketbook, Eye-Queues [ve teams are playing baseball the ninth; the score is nothing-nothing. The home team is at bat and there are two out. > man hits, no man walks, no man crosses the plate, but still three runs are scored. The third out is made and the wins the old ball How? By moving atch, nail, toothpick or whatever you " ¢ to use, make an equality out of the following equation: I= VIL. Taking the following equation: V = VI, move one m and make it an equality. Last week’s—No. 1: The little shaver was bad on arith- metic, miscounting himself, uncle and grandpa to make five. No. 2 No. 3 It is the last half of home team : 1 bird (e. g., ostrich). 1 biped with hands (e. » monkey or man). 3 quadrupeds, 1 snake! This Idea Is a Brick! Ma down to abel’s wine fo SAE ERASER MONEY DURING HE DEPRES ron other day to investigate this re- cent business of buying your wines in bulk, They've certainly got a nice, legal business running there, and what's even better, they've got the dry gentlemen on their cars and practically admitting that there’s nothing they can do about it until the next Congress. Exhibit A is a pretty girl who takes you thru the wine-making process with jug and syphon and then tells you to be sure not to do it. “Dissolve the brick in a gallon of water,” she says, “and use immediately. If the liquid is placed in this jug and put away for twenty-one days, it will ferment. Do not stop the bottle with this cork, which contains this pat- ented red rubber syphon hose, (Continued on page 27) comicbooks.com