Judge — August 22, 1931 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A COUPLE OF RADIO ANNOUNCERS GET TOGETHER rLLo, GN! How's the I-modulated voice? here, Norton. How's the Ox- going over?” y fine, indeed. Experts con- cede it to be one of the most nausea n the country.” You're doing fine, Norton. Did you hear that I was signed up last week on the big trans-Ameri Coast-to-Coast, Bad-to-Worse, k- er-to-Evers-to-Chance network? It’s a big chance. Over 5,000 stations a concerned in it, and the transmi $850.00 per minute. t, GN. What are the programs like?” “Well, first we have the ‘Precocious Tots’’ hour, led by little Emmaline Pugh-Drivel, seven years old, who thrills the whole country with a talk on the subject ‘When I Puts My Dol- lies to Bed.’ After that the orchestra, which costs $1,800 an hour, plays I JUST FOUND THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE SIMPERED THE SAWBONES You're probably the type that simply LOVES gags like, “I haven't seen Joe hanging around the bunch lately—I mean the bunch of bananas!” No. 189572 of the Waiter-Patron routine: What shall I do Why, damn it all, wring its neck!” Warter Do with it? damn egg away! with it? Cusromen—Hey, you, take this th it, sir? Cvstomer—Do 14 Kaufman with that idea ‘LT Don’t Wanna Talk Weather’ thirty-five times. of the magnificent prog the same high standards. “Don't you get a chance to inter- rupt any concert programs by remind ing your audience ¢ few minutes that the makers of Z Washing Ma- chines are responsible for the Beetho- ven program they aren't hearing?” “TIL say I do, but I've got a new wrinkle. You know, of course, the old-fashioned method of breaking off a concert before it’s over?” “You mean we use up so much time chanting about drinkless coffee and smokeless pipes that we have to sign off in the middle of the Jast number? Sure, that’s old stuff. We've been tor- turing the cultured listener that way for years.” About the The rest m maintains “Yes, but here’s the latest gag. In- stead of simply fading into my hon- cyed-voiced ‘regrets,’ I fade ‘em first into the strains of a four-picce, ten dollar-a-week band specially imported from a Bronx chop suey house. What anasty jolt! It's proved to be a more tisfactory arrangement all round.” “More contrast, ci?” Much, And the best part of it is it's being sponsored by the same big toupée manufacturer who's been hav- ing fight broadcasts cut off in the middle. They claim it's responsible for 70 per cent of the hair pulled out of human heads in this country.” “Certainly sounds promising. But I must be getting on. Remember me to Floyd Gibber when you sce him, and tell him not to take any wooden an- nouncers.”” “Well, cheer-o!” “Cheer-o!” —Avstin Marx comicbooks.com