Judge — July 18, 1931 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE OLD TIMER RECALLS By Baron Ireland “D)ox’t you believe all you hear t the hardships our forefathers endured in settlin’ this country,” said the Old Timer, puffing a reminiscent Corona Corona, “LT remember before they had these new fangled airy- planes when a feller could go on a overnight trip ina comfortable berth under warm blankets jest as cozy as in his own bed ‘stead of havin’ to sit up all night’ fully dressed and tossin’ around in a dinky chair. In those * days we traveled slick as a cel on skates over smooth rails without none o’ these here air bumps t’ upset our stum micks or git rolled on the floor every time we turned curve like these things do when they bank. We might" been bumped a little oncet in a while when they coupled up a injine but we never paid no ‘tention to that; just curled up and went to sleep agin. “Mornin’s we'd wake up after a night's refreshin’ sleep and get off the cinders an’ shave in real hot water ‘stead o” havin’ to wait to git to a hotel t git the grime and ; stubble off. | “Yes, an’ we knew we was goin’ to git to where we q started for, too, spite o' storms or anythin’ else. There wasn't none o' this comin’ down in somebody's back yard t in Ashtabula in a parachute every time a thunderstorm blew up. No sir- : ree bob! Once in a while a train i might go off the track and occasionally : the roadbed 'd git washed out and hold Hi things up a while but nothin’ to amount to much, “Talk about progress! Gimme the old days for real comfort. Wish I ‘ yy could ride to Chicago in somethin’ i solider ‘na couple o” yards 0” serim | stretched on a hatrack with a coffee } grinder up front turnin’ a pinwheel to if make the contraption go. I do so! i “Yes, sir. Don't you take no stock it in these old fakes that tell you what eit hard times they had in the old days. j | They had it pretty casy, “f you ask iH] “Boy! I hope I don’t catch this guy—he’s a tough baby in a fight!” usier 'n what they do now'days.”” ath BS | Also Ran | | | ov system in the handicap races is to pick a horse that has no handi- cap at all, bet on him, and see what he does from then on with that handicap. And now it is shown that Al Ca- pone is broke and in debt. Which proves that he’s just an ordinary citi- zen after all. Well, things might be worse; we might have women truck drivers. Add similes: Unpopular as a back- slapper during the sunburn season. We stayed cool with Coolidge, and got in hot water with Herbie. Now we wonder what we'll do in 1932. Then there's our barber. He cither “What can I do for you, sir?” talks our ear off or shaves it off, “We'd like to be measured for a tent.” 4 comicbooks.com