Judge, 1931-07-18 · page 4 of 36
Judge — July 18, 1931 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Magazine Page This page contains two distinct pieces: **"Song for a Radio-Equipped Auto"** (top right) is a humorous poem by Arthur Lippmann celebrating early automobile radio technology. It references specific radio stations (WJZ, WOR) and playfully suggests drivers might be so distracted by broadcasts that they'll ignore speed limits and traffic safety—a satirical jab at the novelty and allure of car radios in this pre-modern era. **"The Retired Columnist"** (left) praises an unnamed columnist (likely a real public figure) for his restraint and professionalism. The satire celebrates what he *didn't* do: he avoided gossip, celebrity scandals, personal complaints, and sensationalism. Instead, he simply took a vacation. This is gentle mockery of the gossip-column genre prevalent in 1920s-30s journalism. Both pieces reflect era-specific consumer technologies and media culture.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE “Sir! After all, you came out here to save mel” The Retired Columnist wonder Mr. Coolidge decided to j give it up for a spell. How could he have expected to compete with other columnists? Why, the rtually went to bed at ni; dw He never wrote of broken hea and of moths attracted to the bright lights and seared. ot once did he refer to his read- ers as “you dopes.” [ And further than that, he did not was never seen along B continually talk about himeelf, and || there was not one item in all he wrote y bout his pet d And not once did | he break out into verse. | Neither did he mention all the people he met—important people. And, better than that, he never | printed an old one and put it in the mouth of a celebrity. It was hopeless from the first. No gossip. No nicknames. No subhead- lines such as: Oops! or Gag or The Retort Silly or Laughs from the Con- gressional Record. No information as to whether a cer- tain senator wore a belt or suspen- ders, and no recipes or cures. Not one miniature Austin, Scotch or Heeb i He didn’t even switch to the tab- loids. “No—I've And the most amazing part. T. last party. ing a vacation. —R. C. O'Brien. If, depression, “Have you an invitation, sir?” een here since the Song for a Radio-Equipped Auto With W. We'll hear brook On Route 11 EB, Remote from city sights and sounds We'll fleetly fly afar— We two alone with a baritone On WOR, take yon verdant hill in hil Cook by the bbling Down Rudy Vallee we will race, ‘Cross Morton Downey: hills. O'er land and lea with MeNamce We'll j gypsy thrills. But if we don't decrease our speed, Though sweetly sing the larch, They'll tow us in to the doleful din Of Chopin's Funeral March! Antivr Lireatans, A reLtow can make all kinds of money with slot machines: Ca- nadian pennies, lead quarters, wooder. nickels, tin dimes, Hoboken beer to kens and so on, comicbooks.com