Judge — July 4, 1931 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IG: Sh! Sh! It’s the Fourth of July! WENTY years ago this Fourth of July morning I was up at. five o'clock, getting into a ruffled shirt- waist, knee-breeched linen pants that buttoned up the side, elkskin sandals, and a Battleship Maine sailor cap. 1 then went into my father’s bedroom and shot my repeater cap pistol close to dad's car. That always started the Fourth in a big w Dad would pop out of bed and fire salute of bed- room slippers just over my head— then he'd be wide awake and come to his senses and realize it was Indepen- dence Day. (In those days Indepen- dence meant something!!) The gov’- ner would then get his trousers and fish out fifty cents for the morning splurge. (I was given fifty cents in JUNIOR WOULD Soot aS REPEATER OP PRETTY CuoSE G HS DADS EAR WHEW STARTED HE IN A BIT WAY! panic came four or five and by that time I had a job candl eggs Saturdays in a grocery store a salary of seventy-five cents 4 wasn’t bothered!) Come five-thirty, my breakfast was over, and at five- forty-five I was downtown, ing for the drug-store to open at eight- thirty and sell me six-inch firecrack- ers, torpedoes, fire-snakes, heel-sniv- velers, rolls of repeater caps, dynamite dises, fire-feathers, chasers, smokers, and punk. While my order was HAP : re, being put up, I'd have an ice- y get “ow tg WO cream cone and a coupla pears. Vets Sere ave this stuff all shot t Meh Tach ay ept the heel-snivvelers, which Ges NOD ved to toss under women’s SNe Oe feet in the D. A. R. parade) by — ee ye ten-thirty, when it would be time WT gs to carry the bass drum and march eats from the Civil War cannon in Court House Square to the base- ball grounds and listen to swell stuff about George Washington and laugh up my sleeve at. the British Army who fought the American Army during the fa- mous Revolution. Then I'd hunt for our horse an’ buggy along the hitching posts and find mother and dad with the basket dinner, and I'd cat two or three fried chickens, washing them down with strawberry pop, which dad bought under the grand nd. Then I'd hang around until I got the afternoon fifty cents and beat it downtown in and start on more ice cream cones and_ fireworks. At five p.m. I'd bee-line home and get my home-made y for the sunset " explosion. ‘The cannon was ¢ of sturdy gas pipe, stapled on a log. It would be stuffed with newspaper balls and reg'lar gunpowder. There was a hole in the top of the pipe across which the xed in kero- sene, would be draped. Just the sun went down I'd light it from twelve feet en run like Something happened every year when I shot that cannon. Once we lost part of Clover’s tail. (Clover was our genuine Jersey cow.) And another time it blew a pl ss bay window all over the dining-room in the middle of supper. That evening we'd all get buggy and go out Mosher’s pasture and watch the fireworks display. The display always ended with a flaming line portrait of George Washington, which never came off successfully— Prot a fuse, a string s JUNIOR BELIEVED IN WES COUNTRY FIRST, LAST, — noisy there’d be an car missing or part of his nose—one time nothing lit up but his hair. The purpose of this reminiscence is to show what a lousy time kids have nowadays. Tsk!—if a ten-year-old is caught with a firecracker he’s practi- cally charged with violating the Sulli- van Law. Each year celebrating the Fourth of July becomes more of a problem. I couldn't decide what to do this Fourth so I interviewed people in the public eye about it and here are their answers: Jack “Legs” Diamond — don’t mention shootin’ to me Mayor Jimmy Walker—“I expect to be out of to’ Mr. Wickersham—‘I'll report—that is—I me Calvin Coolidge minds me—I'll write American Independence Texas Guinan—"I shall spend the day singing the Marscillaise !” Jefferson Ma er (Mae is a cin- der in the public eye)—"I shall make Jeez— submit a n to say—’ ‘Hm, that re- column about a Presidential campaign speech at Tony’ Herbert Hoover—"I shall spend the day at Rapida for a 1932 boom!!”” Walter Winchell. my ears are so sens: Camp and listen ‘Il be frantic— comicbooks.com