Judge — June 13, 1931 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE JUST THE BEST TIME By Quentin Reynolds ‘ay that again, Madam. came in to look are don't want to buy anythi I see you got a roll of bills in your pocket- hook. What are they, old heirlooms that you want to keep in the family? + Pul-leeze, Madam, Those are stockings you are handling now, not- The Fe u've torn a hole in one of them! Madam, you'd better go over and look at the hardware or the motor- You just nd and ‘you « My goodness, Mamie, now she’s sore. Canya’magine? Well, I'm just as glad she’s gone, Mamie, I just got to tell you some- thing or I'll explode. Oh, Mamie, I’m smothered. Last night I and Jack went out and we had just the best time. And, Mamie, we are engaged. Can you bear it? We ain't exactly engaged, but, Mamie, we are practi- ged, and I must tell you about it. Last night my Jack came around to the flat with a friend of his who is a ball player named Pea Ridge Day, which plays for Brooklyn. They call him Pea Ri because his first name is Clyde, but in his family there were three brothers—all named Clyde—so to keep things straight he called him Pea Ridge, wh name of the town in comes from. He is very nice, seems awfully sad, and though we try hard, we can't cheer him up. The New Nurse “You little rascal! You mustn't drive so fast!” “Cheer up, eggplant,” I tell him. “The income tax ain't due for months They're still making beer, and always beautiful women like for a man to feast his eyes on,” “T don’t have to pay no income tay I don't drink beer, and what does « I-player care about beautiful w he cracks gloomily. “All I think of is my pal Wilbur.” “Well, little merry sunshin says, “tell us about Wilbur if it will make you happy.” He Jooks at me and says, “You should ought to have been a You seem s eneugh: ilbur is dead, « that’s wh: makes me feel like a pitcher facing Ruth, with the score tied and three men on base.” “Well, here toc and gone tomor row,” I chirps, slapping him on th: back. “That's what they tell all of us rookies,” he says, still sad. “Her today and tomorrow you're looking up trains for Hartford or Kansas City. But I will tell you about Wilbur, “You know I am the champion hog-caller of the state of Arkansas,” Pea Ridge begins, munching on a bit of fudge which Ih de that after- noon, “When I w id I used to train hogs, and it come in mighty handy as we have a lot of children in Pea Ridge, and I used to train the hogs to take care of the kids, wash the dishes and milk the cows. In off hours I used to play ball with the kids, and we had one player named Gun boat Hudson, who could hit a ball like nobody I ever seen’before. The kids comicbooks.com