Judge — March 28, 1931 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE Things Ripley and Winchell Haven’t Yet Found Out W ty the stock market goes down right after you buy and up right after you sell. Who cuts Professor Einstein's hair? Why getting out of a rumble scat isn’t made easier. If Graham McNamee gets paid for talking in his sleep. When a bank fails, which are entitled to their nervous breakdowns first: the officers of the bank, the directors, the banking superintendent or the depositors. How many gallons the Coast Guard boats get to the mile. What a man has to be secretary of in order to get a front n they're taking pictures of the President's Cabinet YW YY | on the White House lawn. GO JW Yj YW) If March is a windy month beeause congressmen are re- leased to all parts of the country at this time. © —R.C.O. A1eEHeR AWS “Ya better go down an’ apologize to him, Bill.” Oh Yeah? “Geasicn? ay, you don’t get seasick these days when you travel on these big, modern boats. Besides, if you take a glass or two of champagne that'll fix you right up in no time at al “Listen. Don’t be worrying about the customs when you come back to Amer- i You can get in with two or three quarts all right. They won't search ‘your stuff unless they think you're a regular professional bootlegger.” “French? Say, don’t waste any time learning that language. Everybody in France understands English. You don’t need to know a word of French.” “—and all the time I was in Europe I never saw a single European who. was ; 2 Artist — A’right, the slightest bit intoxicated.” Mamie, let's give ’em the “When I go abroad I always like to Old straple! somersaults get away from Americans.” French coffee isn’t really bad. It’s just a case of getting used to it. It only takes three or four days to do tha..* “Paris? Say, that city isn’t any wilder than a couple of dozen American cities I could name.” “The expense? Why, living’s so cheap in Europe that it’s actually cheaper to go over there than it is to stay home.” comicbooks.com