Judge — March 14, 1931 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE SOLVED Sone genius has proposed that the unemployment problem may be immediately solved by having Congress pass a law he metric system of we his will necessitate so much wor! tape-lines, scales, measuring pots, and 1 on the old system that all the people now idle will be put to work making these extensive and nsive changes. This is such a brilliant scheme, we marvel that some of the economists haven't thought of it before. It would certainly keep a lot of people busy a long time making all these changes, and by that time maybe this psychological depression would i be over. But, in case other devices might be necessary to keep 3 all the people at work, we suggest the following plans for ere- ating unnecessary labor, once the metric system is thoroughly makin; sory. hts and measures compul- changing all the ry constructed Congress should pass a law providing that all baseball bats | be made of cut glass. This would ins neously revive th q cut-glass industry, which has been languishing since cut-glass i wedding presents went out of style along about the tim the Battle of Manila. Cut-glass factories would have to em- ploy thousands and thousands of extra q mi Then, too, the use of this kind of i bats would cut up the baseball covers something terrible, and that would make A. G. Spalding put on night shifts. Fur- thermore, there would always be lots of broken glass around home plate and players would tear their pants and cut their shins; and this would necessitate the manufacture of lots more adhesive plaster and iodine and flannel pants. It is a pleasure just to think how pros- perous everybody would be with all that work going on. This all goes to show that the old nin- nies who have been calling themselves economic experts in the past just simply are not on their toes. When it's that simple to restore prosperity, why have they been sitting around talking about the gold standard and trade balances? All that is necessary is for Congress to pass a few simple laws like these and “Your father belonged to the Union League Club!” then happy days will be here again, Famous Naval Victories Lo Nexson’s. The Monitor versus the Merrimac. ‘Those in which John Paul Jones figured. Dewey at Manila, The Coast Guard cutters versus the rum fleet. Judging by those in the apartment above us, the life of the party is usually about ten or fifteen hours. And what does a traffic cop say on his day off when he’s out riding and gets bawled out by another traffic cop? —R. C. O'Brien “I tell you, Mayor, we'll have to have traffic lights if this keeps up!” 18 comicbooks.com