Judge, 1931-03-14 · page 12 of 36
Judge — March 14, 1931 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Hollywood True Story—Probably" This page satirizes 1920s Hollywood's formula-driven approach to filmmaking. Two producers discuss buying a war story, likely about WWI. When told the script lacks a female lead, the executive is appalled—female stars were box-office gold. He instructs his colleague to hire screenwriter Jimmie Welsh to retrofit the story with romantic subplots: adding a love interest named "Charmaine" or "Babette," making the hero's mother a comedic character, and staging an emotional reunion. The satire mocks how studios systematically rewrote stories to fit star vehicles and audience expectations rather than preserving original material. The reference to the writer "Pershing" (likely evoking General John Pershing) suggests a serious war narrative being hollowed out for commercial appeal. The accompanying cartoons humorously illustrate Hollywood's superficiality and chaos.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE HOLLYWOOD TRUE STORY—PROBABLY “Vert, Sam, did you bring any stories back from New York?” T'll say so, Irv—I got a natural, a wow! And boy, did I have to pay dough for it! “What's it all about?” “It's a war story—a k greater than ‘AM Quiet,’ “Journey's End’ and ‘Ben Hur’ put together.” ‘Can we use it for John Gilway 2” “Sure we can—he'll eat it up.” “What's the girl's part like, Sam?” rwkout— “Well, er—there ain't no girl's part in it, Irv.” “Whaddya mean, no girl's part? Are you nuts or something? D'ye think I< and La Ru “You sec, ing to split up Gilway Sam, this story is dif- ferent.” “Different my eye! I should lose my box office appeal just because you fell for a punk story that ain't got girls in it. Now here's what you bet- “Why don'tcha go to a dentist?” “What! During my lunch hour?” “Quiet now, Angus—here comes the conductor!” 10 ter do. Send for Jimmie Welsh and get him to dope out some new angles You know what they like, only make this one a little different. Gilway can leave his old mother and his se Y sweetheart and go to war. We can make the mother a comedy Dress ler part—once in Fr: Gilway mects this dame driving some geese down a country road. That's La Rue. call her Charmaine, or Babette, and Gilway falls hard. He to the front and loses her after he comes back to France nds her in the old farmhouse ¢ ver oa Hershey Bar wrapper he gave her as “It don’t seem right, Ir “If you think we are goin’ to risk our dough on a picture without dame you're crazy. Say who wrote this yarn, a ? “A guy called Pershing, and_ it's goin’ over big in the East.” Maybe we ¢ of the manuscript, but we can't afford to take risks with a story by an unknown. You get Jim- mie Welsh to hop it up a bit, he knows all the angles to this war stuff —Rex Deane comicbooks.com