Judge, 1931-03-07 · page 6 of 36
Judge — March 7, 1931 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains three satirical pieces about American life: **"Vanished Americans"** lists groups that have disappeared from public consciousness—baseball pitchers, bus drivers, etc.—humorously suggesting they've become extinct. **"The Deserter"** depicts a court-martial dialogue between a sergeant (Gillop) and a soldier accused of absent without leave. The soldier claims the horrors of war—grenades, machine gun fire—overwhelmed him, a peace-loving man. The sergeant dismisses his excuse, noting there's "no place in our theatre for an usher like you." This satirizes the tension between civilian sensitivity and military duty during wartime. **"Big Moment in the Life of a Young Fireman"** shows a dramatic explosion as a firefighter breaks plate-glass windows during rescue operations—a humorous commentary on collateral damage. The final item, **"Drought Relief,"** briefly jokes about agricultural aid being ineffective without proper distribution methods.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Vanished Americans The people who used to read the ub-titles out loud. The big leagi eball pitcher who could drink beer all night and then twirl fifteen innings for a 1-0 shut-out. The girl who was satisfied with a bus drive up Riverside Drive on a summer's evening with a lemonade to follow. The boy who kept a hair from a horse's tail ina bottle of water and ex- peeted it to turn in snake. The heavyweight fighters who were cager to fight any So-and-So in the house just for the fun of it. wspaper reporters who had to hustle down their jobs. nd get scoops in order to hold Pedestrians. teur athletes. vee Bio Moment ix tue Lire or a Youxo Fireman He breaks his first plate-glass window. JUDGE “Pardon me, sir—would you mind brushing down your hair?” The Deserter “Qenceant Gittop, you're guilty of “a serious offense. Absent with nd at a time when every needed.” s, sir. But I—I hope you'll be lenient. I don't know what happened to me, sir; somehow I just couldn't stand it any le Thad to get away for a little whil “And you forgot all about your duty, ch? You're a disgrace to the uniform you wear!” “T know that, sir. But it was awful. simply awful. The scenes of violence and bloodshed—well, they sickened sir, And the sound of the hand grenades—the horrid coughing noise of those d— machine guns! I'm from a peace-loving family, sir, and this thing was simply too much for...” “Th So you're yel- low, ch? Yellow “No, no, not that! It got on my nerves, that’s all. I...” “Don't try to excuse yourself, Gil lop. You took the afternoon off with out permission, just because you got sick of this gangster picture we're running now. Well, there's no pls in our theatre for an usher like you. You're fired!” out leay man w me Drought Relief And of course it won't do any good for Congressmen to send out sceds this year unless they also send sprin ans along with them. comicbooks.com