Judge — December 27, 1930 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE The King And The Old Man Being a whimsical legend, written without apologies to the London Christmas Weekiies ard the _. one that Heywood Broun runs every Christmas Week By Robert Bench:ley you must know that in those days there was a King ruling in the land who was very great, so great even that he was called “Pepin Glabamus,.” or “Pepin Flat foot,” and there were in his kingdom anywhere from twenty-and-four to twenty-and-eight maidens who we in sore distress and concerning whom no one, not even the youth of the university, had any interest’ whatsoever. Now the King grieved greatly at this, and so great was his grief that he became known far and wide as “Pepin Glubabo” or “Pepin Red-Eye.” “That Old Buzzard.” Now it came about that, on the day before Christmas (or “Guy Fawkes Day” as it was known in those times), the King sat high on’ his ivory throne and mourned the loss of his son, for you must know that his son had, on that evening, lost three thousand silver pieces and his shirt of mail at a game of “falcon-fudging” or “pick-the- winner,” and in all the kingdom ‘round there was none us the King, unless perchance it was the Princ: himself at one particular blue spot high on his right cheek, which spot, said he, had come from bumping into an open drawbridge as he got up in the night for a drink of water from the it. And when he had told this tale to his father, the King, the King had replied, being wroth anyway, “My eye!” thereby giving the Prince an opening hack, “No, sire, mine!” For thus went the rapier thrusts of the Prince's wit back and forth for days at a time and the King was well nigh fed up ind, what to show it. Now there came to the castle this night an Old Man, who begged ad- ttance on the grounds that he repre sented the Fuller Brush Company and would like to show the King a thing or two about brushing, But the King, who was still in high dudgcon (the low dudgeons being full of pay- nims and poor white h left ¢ from the Fifth, or Crucial, Crusade), sent out word that he had already been brushed and to get the hell out from under that porteullis, But the Old Man paid no heed to the Kin command, but instead sent back word that he had some very nice which was guaranteed to ma drinker’s ears fly out and snap ba all to the count of “one-two-one-two, So the t being Christmas Eve and being sorely troubled in spirit, sent down word, “Oh, well.” And so the Old Man came up. And so the Old Man came up. (A y medieval and mystic effect is ned by repeating the same sentence He was also known as so. sort or the pretty lousy come- as more, was beginning mead the re ve twice, as you will find out by reading further in this tale, you sucker.) And when he had reached the King chamber, he encountered the Chamberlain who, lest: the Queen should take to prowling of a night, was always stationed by the door in possession of a loud gong and a basket of red fire. And, at the sound of the gong and the sight of the red fire over the transom, the King was aceus tomed to open a secret passageway like a flash, and inte this sceret passageway could dart any business. friends who might be sharing a friendly night-cap with His Maj esty. Only one night, being sore confused and in sow thing of a daze, the King himself had darted into the sceret passageway, leaving the business friend behind on top of the silken canopy, very (Continued on vage 29) 5 comicbooks.com