Judge — September 13, 1930 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stone Mountain Bearded as Sculptors Cringe! By S. J. Perelman Grose Movytats, Georgia, Sept. J 12—A small group of sculptors composed of Gutzon Wynken, Gutzon Blynken, and Gutzon Nod, all former pupils of Gutzon Borglum (who is himself a former pupil of Gutzon Cel- lini) stood aghast here yesterday morning and wrung each others’ hands in despair. Above them towered the half-finished Monument. to the federacy, sparkling in the early morn- ing dew-acka-dew-acka-dew, but over night a heavy beard of oak trees had appeared on the faces of Generals I Jackson, Beauregard, Yancy and De- At first the trio stared un- ng at this unexpected turn of Con lan believin affairs, but as the thin haze of Con- which obscured the ures cleared away, “That's what we zon Wynken bitterly. “We chop their faces out of the cliff. dpaper their pans, watch over them like a mother when they have the measles, and the we turn our back they grow a federate fi money n went up. snarled Gut- added Gutzon Nod quickly. “And ruin our eves doing needlework to send them through college, and what do they do? Put us in an old-age home!" “L suppose it's my barked Gutzon Blynken. fault, hey?” “Didn't I give them a hot towel and a mud-pack g “And I put ina line of novels to meet competition with the drug-store luncheonettes, before T went to bed last night?" “And I shaved them, honest I did,” declared Gutzon Nod. “Yeh, once-over light you shaved them,” growled Gutzon Wynken. “You think ‘if you shave the surface you shave 2 You guys—— “Pssst!” silenced Gutzon Blynken excitedly. “Look—over there!" The other two sculptors wheeled hastily about. A small boy carrying was sneaking across the pla “Why, it’s little Russell exclaimed Gutzon Nod. bag u. neomb !” “What's he Duxke ad “Father, dear father, come home to us now; the clock in the steeple strikes one!” 10 doing here, T wonder?” “Let's tey to catch him,” suggested Gutzon Wynken. “Maybe he knows something about this beard busi ! Come, Rover! “Here, Prin wheedled Gutzon Blynken, “Here, Bossy!” But. the small boy only eyed the sculptors suspiciously and circled about them, his tail between his legs. rd Gutzon Nod, * a small boy home who ate chees “Was it in a trap?” asked Gutzon Blynken anxiously 1 grocery store,” confessed Nod shamefacedly. After a hurried consultation, a deadfall was baited with cheese, and the trio watched their victim approach with bated breath. He snatched at the succulent camem- bert; there was a whirring crash, and he hung, vapping, by the leg in the snare e. There!" cried Nod triumphantly. “Now then, Russell, what have you got in that b: “Acorns,” snuffed the boy peni- tently. “What! cried the horrified trio. “Don't you see that sign, ‘No Bring Acorns on Stone Moun ” You? » wonder we found oaks here this rated him with their pocket beraters had he not suddenly burst out erying and confessed all, It seemed that Mrs. Feincomb, a poor widow woman, had sent him off to market the night befe to sell their last remaining possession, a brown cow. On the way, Russell (Continued on page 27) comicbooks.com