Judge — September 6, 1930 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGI eTHE O GEORGE oJ Have just been passing a literary afternoon with “The Mutual Bur- lesquer.” As its name implies, The Mutual Burlesquer” is the offi- n of the Mutual Burlesque nd if you've cial org Wheel, never made its have substi- aaintance, believe me, you missed something. As a tute for the burlesque shows them- selves it more than fills the bill, That it is so little known—no one that I've asked about it heard of a sad commentary on the refined literary taste of the nation. Edited by a gent named Mr. Herk, it is rich in instruction for young and old, rich and poor, black and white. One of the sweetest features of the little gazette is a weekly column en- titled, “It Is Whispered,” from which one may extract, to one's delight and on, the low-down on the vari- s who make up the personnel of the burlesque troupes. I quote a few confidences: Reta Knowles has purchased a itiful set of gold teeth.” Ina Thomas ¢ a man is going to say seems ever to have it—is educs ous lad nerally knows what before he “Mildred Kline is still trying to get something for nothing.” nroigh holding her head so high © Mellon has got a stiff neck. Clarissa Me rson would se il herself to lift her father’s morgage: “La Vil a tile soap as aps ablutions. She says it’s t teeth-beautifier in the world. “Flo Haley doesn’t propose to the world bette r than she found it. “Millie nson is nota liar. But if prizes were offered for truth speaking, she couldn't possibly win.” Marie Miller does not disclose her ings, but lots of other things.” Dottie Reed has only been kissed morning greatest fe twice. Once by the Army and once hy the Nav “Dolly Bushman landed a fish weighing 120 pounds. It was 5 fect 6 inches long and wore trousers.” Althea Conley is a peach—with a vor.” » Breen loves comfort, but re- quires a man to comfort her.” “Louise Miller must stop bringing Limburger cheese into the dressing- room “Mona West claims she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Judging from her photograph it was a soup ladle.” “Olive Ward has been jilted by a plumber.” > stains on \ rarfully thor- oughbred. She can suck the last drop from a glass of iced coffee without making a single gurg “Alice Sohn has a charming ha of blushing every time a is w bit ‘proposition’ Ryan buys rs.” and smokes big black cig: “Bettie Meeton will welcome the long skirt—she’s knock-kneed.” “Susi Sisti was requested to leave a hotel in Akron, Ohio. “Waver White likes her joy and her Scotch undilute “Ruth Bradley was taught the dif- ference between right and wrong, but she’s forgotten what it is.” “The only certificate Lilly Ronald ever received was one for being born.” “Buddy Nichol’s boy friend to chuck her under the chin, but now he chucks her under the table.” “Fann ‘ortisque can do exactly as she likes—she’s the ma i J “Frances Knight has finally decided to keep to the straight and narrow path—for a little while.” “Matty Laughtin has a natural tal- ent for invective and profanity.” “A search party has been sent out for Hattie Lord. who disappeared after one helluva night.” An “Answers to Correspondents” column is another big feature of “The Mutual Burlesquer.” In it) Arthur Simmons, of Paterson, N. J., suffers the following rebuke: “We don’t know used 16 CII NATHAN whether the young lady is married not. It is none of our business and. so far as we know, it is none of yours Don't get too ‘nebby,’ as they say in Pittsburgh.” William) Tompkins, of Buffalo, also gets his in these words: That is rather delic and we prefer not you appear so anxious, why not com- directly with Miss C r of Dayton, Ohio, doesn't Don "t hold that young lady, "he is told. She may have a boy friend, Q nd your attentions migl to her. Our advice to you is, cut it out!" As for Abner Fern, of Indianapolis, listen to what he gets! “Please be more Mind-reading is not among our 4 plishments, but if you mean wl think you do, take our advice and keep carefully under cover. Insane asylum guards a way of captur te question nswer it. Since ing escaped lunatics.” Arthur Deems, of Columbus, fares, alas, no better than Mr. Fern. “We will not even Our business is the presentation of burlesque. And you obviously have something else in mind.” It is refreshing, under the cir cumstances, to read the following words to Mrs. James, of Springfield “By all means, let your daughter go onthe stage if she has the required qualifications. She would be as care fully environed there as in any other nvocation. Only the narrow-minded think differently.” As it also is to read this supporting affidavit ad dre ssed to J. D. T.. of Providence: believe the girl was entirely jus din slapping your face.” Each week The Mutual Bur- lesquer” prints a “new and original” short story. I quote the last lines of a half dozen of them: ckson took her into his arms and kissed her. ‘On Broadway in our own show! There is anta Claus!" 2. “A fine pair you are! Here a girl lays the hit of the season on my desk (Continued on page 26) consider your proposal. comicbooks.com