Judge, 1930-07-26 · page 12 of 36
Judge — July 26, 1930 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Satire Analysis This is a comedic short story by S.J. Perelman (a renowned humorist) satirizing pseudo-intellectual academic pretension and absurdist logic. "Professor Throng" appears to be a fictional charlatan inventor who speaks with affected superiority while saying nonsensical things—his "discovery" involves photographing goldfish surrounded by glass vessels and developing film on teeth. The humor mocks both the Professor's pompous manner and the narrator's obsequious acceptance of obvious gibberish. The satire targets early 20th-century "scientific" charlatans and the cultural reverence for inventors during America's technological boom. Perelman exaggerates the Professor's class-consciousness (literally written on his body) and his absurdly verbose romantic rejection narrative to expose intellectual fraud. The subplot about a woman rejecting him for having an "undeveloped film" continues the tooth-film photography running joke, maintaining the surreal logic throughout. This is quintessential Perelman—verbal slapstick mocking pretense through deadpan absurdism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Neo-Einstein Stirs Savants ! By S. J. Perelman * AY 1 speaking to Professor Motley Throng?” A tall gentleman with a proud bear- ing—he explained afterward that other bearings were at the heing ground—looked up at my dis- ereet query. “Why, yes.” he smiled infectiously, “Lam heel of whom you speak. Come in, if you pleel.” I’ stepped cagerly into the famous inventor's study. One look at Professor Throng confirmed my first impression, He had “class” written all over him; it was scrawled JUDGE on his nose, his elbow, and even his left leg. I caught my breath between cupped hands and bowed. “Your servant, Professor Throng,” I said) smoothly. “I am Conrad Gooly, Photographie Editor of Jupar. May I have a short statement from ‘,"” replied the investi- gator graciously. “How about ‘Gold fish are often found surrounded by ow glass vessels y error, Professor,” I apolo- gized. “I should have said I wanted a short statement regardii ur new photographie discovery which has set the Thames on fi WE’RE A night?” “No,” drawled her father’s daughter. COUPLE OF GOBLETS SNIVELLED THE SALTS I know you're at loggerheads with the family, Irma, but the office won't let me come down there for the week-end. “Look here, stupid!” bawled his daughter's father. “Did that young snake kiss you last BUSTED “He came all the way from Valparaiso to ogle the goldfish!” Even if the rain is coming down in sheets, the least you can do is fold them neatly on the bed, you slob. 10 “Oh, you mean my apparatus for developing the film on teeth,” replied the Professor, draining his malted milk and. giving mi i nod. “Well, it all night when I taire. You knew her, of course?” murmured assent. Who indeed had not known this regal creature, this woman of the magnificent tawny eyes! Even among mere youths like myself tales were told of this splendid charm- er’s animal magnetism, “T had offered her everything possessed,” resumed the Professor. “My shooting preserves in Scotland, spberry preserves in Wales, and my candied quinces in Wilkesbarre, Pennsylvania, You knew Pennsyl- vania, of course?” IT murmured as- sent. Who indeed had not known this splendid state, rich in natural mineral oils and untold lard mine: Even among mere youths like myself tales were told of Pennsylvania, the Mother of Presidents. “She would have none of me,” ad- mitted Professor Throng moodily. “Finally in desperation I offered her two shares in Senator Borah. She blenched; I knew th: ening and offered her a course in ele- mentary and advanced Heflin at the State University, with her room rent and tuition f But resolute ere she would not y she was weak- She was panting, ure that she was, 1, “You cad,’ were her only words. “*You fool,’ I threw her without don my teeth bared in a snarl. She hastily fixed it and turned on me, surveying me intently. an never marry you,’ she ground out. ‘My wince may show, but who would marry a man with an undeveloped film?" “That set me thinking, Gooly,” went on the Professor without a pre- amble. “And when e “Just a moment, Professor,” I i terrupted. “Here, have a preamble. The Professor selected one from my pigskin case and lit it thoughtfully, its fragrant clouds filling the room. “As I say it set me thinking,” he continues nd when the first faint cracks awn came through my win- dow, I just told the dawn to stop its cracks and go home to bed. My prob- lem was solved. I had discovered the Throng Principle of Tooth-Film Pho- yhy. In one swell foop—excuse in one fell swoop—I had discov- ered the secret which savants had (Continued on page 32) comicbooks.com