Judge — June 7, 1930 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Very Truly Yours By S$. J. Perelman I" seems only yesterday that G. P. Butnam’s Sons were curly-headed, blue-eyed young rascals scampering on the lawn playing with Punctilio, their St. Bernard, 1 here they are already in the publishing business, just dripping best-sellers. ‘This time it’s Butnam’s Phrase Book, an Aid to Social Letter-Writing and to Ready and Effective Conversation, with Over JUDGE 100° Model Social Letters and 6,000 of the World's Best English Phrases. Now here is a little manual of polite correspondence that should lie on the top of everybody's waste-basket. If there is no top on your waste-basket, the bottom will do splendidly. ‘The first 298 pages of the Phrase Book nay with a dirty one, if you please. are on page 298, reading “Letters of Congratulation.” Get a load of this one, “On Graduation”: dismissed word—a So here we HEY, NONE OF YOUR BACK-TALC! CURSED THE CRUSTY CUSTOMER Would you advise me to wear twenty-inch bottoms this fall? I can’t decide whether to go collegiate or cake. Look, look, Daddy, an airplane! 34,789—Yes, darling, don’t touch it! A twinkle gleamed in the man Perelman’s tx Miscitevous Younaster, Ansent-Minpep nkler as he slipped into one of his more conserv- ative negligées and absinthe-mindedly reached for a liqueur bon-bon, 6 My dear Stanislas, How happy 1 am to hear that you have successfully High School course. terminated your You surely de serve the best the world can offer, for you have varned it by hard, conscien- tious study. Sincerely yours, George Twombly Beaver. Dear Beaver, Your filthy little note congratulat- ing me on graduating from High Si iy at hand, written in your usual i legible “How happy yoa are,” If you had had your way, I would have been sent to an in stitute for the feeble-minded. As for the hard and conscientious study spiel, don't try on m pened to scrawl. indeed! I gradu: w who was } geometry teacher's rent in that duplex rtment on Pratt Street. As for er, the only thing that pre > from hanging one on your chin is the fact that you haven't got one. The barber's itch to vou, my fin: fellow. Yours, Stanislas Prouty, Esq. Then there are the “Letters of In vitation,” principally the sample one, “To a Party My dear Haz On Tuesday nest I am having a small party, too small almost to come under that head, and wish particularly to have you come. I will arrange an escort “to and fro,” so if you have any preference let me know. Cordially yours, Dahlia Lark-Horovitz. Dear Dahlia, So you're having another one of those brawls in ye Street. almost to come under that he as as small as that filbert you wear on your neck I could en grave the Lord’s Prayer on it. You will arrange an escort to and fro for me, will you? Something jui like that pork-faced Fred Whiteba who tried to neck me going home the subway from your last debauch? No, Dahlia dear, I’ve met that whole mob of window-dressers and girls and I’m all washed up. rs, Bummer Wheatcroft. cash Hazel But best of all, perhaps, is. the hand-tooled stencil, “For a Christ- mas Gift,” which Dora Burpee sends to Leonard Shrike: (Continued on page 31) comicbooks.com