Judge — May 24, 1930 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Step Up, Ladies; Win a Baby Doll! By S. J. Perelman news that a moving-picture silhouette less than a last Tuesda I just finished yawning in Unicon, Jersey, with several members of is holding a contest burst like nothing bombshell over me to side “the head of John the Baptist. (Of course I mean the great news was folded JUDGE neatly, not the nautch dancer. She, too, can fold neatly on occasion, though.) So you can imagine how my art beat when I opened the maga- vd looked over some of the cs which winners will receive. There it was in black and white: “Norma Shearer will give the Bou- doir pillow she “Their Own Desire rrell offers four hand- n his last three pictures. William Haines will donate the Stuffed Silk Dog he played with n ‘Fresh from College.’ Bebe Dan- iels will give Lingerie she used in ‘Rio Rita’ Ben Lyons awards a Framed PM SHAVING MY LOVE FOR YOu! BLURTED THE SNAKE-CHARMER The orchestra will now render “The Love Parade,” the motion picture, “The Love Parade,” Parade,” based on the song, “The Love charge?” yelped Magistrate Herkimer. a movie showing guys playing marbles for keeps!” theme song of from the play, “The Love Parade.” “What's the “Your Honor, this bloke made Her face was an enigma as she plucked the celery and throatily hummed, “Cooking Gluttons for the One I Love.” Etching—one of the collection.” And so the list’ read, one piled upon another till my head ached, Who so callous that he would not go hot and cold at the prospect of own- ing one of Ben Lyons’ stuffed silk ‘tchings or the beret worn by Hoot yson in “Anna Christie’? By the time we had come to the end of t list excitement: was rife rifer. After all, the only we had had all’ spring” was deadfalls for star's famous thers—or cheating cheetahs, as it was known out there in the Punjab—and we were thumbs down and fed up on the ugly thi Well, one word led to another, someone suggested we hold our own prize contest. No sooner said than done, quoth I, and we all set to work forthwith, telephoning, pasting and clipping, necking, and fuming impa- tiently. And by the time Mama knocked softly on the door with her morning t of oatmeal and cold lard Was. re ady., The “What Do with Grover Whalen? Contest starts today. As you all know, Mr. Whalen has met 4,000 celebrities, reorganized the trafic situation so that you can get from Fifth Avenue to Broadw two hours, and put 17,000 taxi-drivers into new uniforms composed of en- velope chemises, cork helmets, cole and Russian dressing on rye What shall we do with him now? We want your suggestions. Are you going to stand by. oafishly and watch him moulder? Let's get shoulder to shoulder on this, men; let's face the issue squarely, If you think slen should be hollowed out ced near the alls so the ns can sneak in, say so. Or if you think he should just be hollowed out, speak up. But get bus. ber that the “What Shall We Do with Will I Contest is starting Arbor Ds As for the prizes, we've collected some that m our competitors look niggardly. For the best answer, George Jean Nathan offers a slightly tired nesselrode pudding which he tasted at Diisseldorf in 1926, For the second best, Robert C. Benchley do nates a razor-blade with three the sh: g it next to y ear like a conch-shell. Third prize is a lock of Shelley's hair, which I have worn around my neck in a locket since my trip to the Holy Land. This is real Shelley hair and highly esteemed by connoisseurs of real Shelley hair. (Continued on page 32) slaw, bread. comicbooks.com