Judge — May 17, 1930 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

C | Hprcomt a, eecriernres " waveroe” | “end The family that was open to suggestion, The Optimist Pennixs was a dear old thin “or forty A nicer oldman you rs he had toiled on his and retired to enjoy nd then he sold the old pli couldn't hope to meet. farm in low: 1 well-earned rest. All good Iowans, when they retire, either go to Californi: | listen to Aimee McPherson or to St. Petersburg, Florid d pitch horseshoes. But not our Abner, no, sir! I ran into him tirst at Miami, then a few weeks later I saw him at Coral Gables, then in quick succession I saw him at Tam d Palm Beach. Amazed at the extent of the old boy's peregrinations (ah, there Gene Tunney !), [ stopped him one day and asked him just what kind of wanderlust had seized his soul, | “Well, young fella.” he said, “Vl tell va. You see, I am fol | lowing up all these women switming champcens as they go from | meet to another-—" | “Why, Abner Perkins,” I broke in quickly, “surely at your ize a little thing like a one-piece bathing suit doesn't ro op, lad!" he cried. “I know what you think. No, it isn’t tha I don't give a darn if the straps do break sometimes. But | there's one thing I've got figured out. One of these days those | gals are going to race and not one of ’em will b record. And, gosh darn it, ] want to be there to see it!” Soft Jobs No. 67,589 | Writing theme songs for chime = clocks. | A pedestrian is a man whose son is | home from college. Speaking of mergers, both parts of . the bathing suit did that long ” si = Sometimes we feel fearful that = nothing short of another war will stop the frightful flow of war books. Judge—And why do you think 1 should be lenient with you? Is this - your first offense? | Prisoner—No, your honor; but it’s iny lawyer's first case. JUDGE Doctor Ditties Nose and Throat Specialist To him who treats the nose and throat This opening clinic we devote. As ruthless as a Persian Shah, He orders you to utte hi” And while you're “Ahing” oudly, he’s Exploring nasal cavities. He shakes his head at last and cries, “Your septums, sir, And were I asked to rate your sinus, The best I'd hand it is D minus.” And ere you leave, beyond a doubt, He'll order both your tonsils out. For he regards that day a blank " In which no tonsil gets a yank! —A. L. L. re oversize; “Hm—that must be where they got the idea for suspenders!” The absent-minded burglar. CoMmiebooks-com