Judge — May 3, 1930 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Shakespeare’s Girlhood Some Recently Unearthed Facts By S. J. Perelman [ouxone but yesterday in’ Rotten Row with my Farintosh, Poldoody, Bagnigge Thackeray, the conversation turned —as it will wherever members of the fancy are wont to foregather—on Shakespeare. ter of fact, I spent all yes- afternoon in the kitchenette with my feet resting in a pail of hot water, but there is nothing like a whiff out of Burke's Peerage to start WHAT'S THAT OUTBOARD MUTTER I. HEAR? ROARED THE IRATE ANGLER Here y'are, gents, Sohrab and Rustum in their new stainless steel routine, just off thirty cheese so full of holes? now ks on the Pan time. puffed an old cross-patch. air it can get, clown,” snarled the Voice from the Cash Register. JUDGE off an essay on the Bard. Around this time of year the sap is beginning to run in the trees—stealing your best persimmons, the cad—and you are probably beginning to wonder about Shakespeare. Do what you will, that little cankering suspicion will return again and again to torment you, And don’t try to put it off " ter your cither; it's going to be embarrassing to have Mrs. ome voleon Bor te or Mr. Berry Wall turn with a stifled yawn when the conversation on the house-boat gets Shake- speare and you're a mess of goose- vacation, pretty around to “Hey, why’s this “It needs all the And xco sparkling show numbers from “Wake Up the Band” and “Strike Up and Dream,” played for you by the Gay Ginsbergs under the direction of Johnny O'Toole. pimples and ignorance. Money doesn t an anything to those people, gents. so you needn't try to bribe them flinging them a lakh of rupecs as you would) your barber. They'll just shrug their powdered and be-dia- monded shoulders with an “Il-bred parvenu!” or “But, my dear, I under- stand his mother was a grocer!” The first thing to remember about Shakespeare—will you please stop putting chalk in that ink-well, Arthur Bodanz is his name. Most peo- ple are handicapped at first) when they try to recall it by forgetting what the first letter is. If you will look at the name closely, you will sce that it starts with an S." So you see right off the bs have like you won't “Rembrandt The rest of the name you can get by the same method. Another good way is to dial “SHA 8000." This will get you the operator, who will immediately connect you with a Turkish bath on Pratt Street to get rid of you. After you have been thoroughly dry-cleaned over the wire hy the manager, get your operator again and re-dial your number. The Palace Theatre will reply. This is your number and the conversation will run something like this: “Hello, is this SHA 8000?" No reply. “Operator, I thought you con- nected. s “This ain't the operator, this is the Palace. No, we're all sold out, Mr. Leb “ This isn’t) Mr. Frank ... ye: know me; I Leblang, this is Frank. .. . Sure you was there last night we don’t sell it over the phone.” “But listen, you know me, I'm Frank, Frank Disbrow . . . no, D-I-S- B-R-O-W. I bet I spend twenty dol- lars a week in your joint.” “Well, I'll take your word for it. This week wi immy Savo, B ice Lillie. Jean Be- dini & Company, and the Avon Com- edy Four.” “Avon? T! funny nam Isn't that in England or somewher “Sure it’s in England, clown, that's » Shakespeare was Slam receiver quick and call another number to throw them off the track. You've got what you wanted. Now that you know the name, what about the man himself? The truth is that everything is just about the same with Shakespeare, except it turns out (Continued on page 31) comicbooks.com