Judge — March 29, 1930 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ping-Pong PixePexe, since you asked, was not invented by a celluloid-collar company to utilize its surplus cellu- loid in the manufacture of balls. My highly trained bloodhounds tell me it yas thought up by an American, sir, k in the knotty nineties, which is something else against the Victorians. He played it with a small ball made of yarn, a miniature tennis racket, and over a net stretched between two chairs, calling it Indoor Tennis. He probably thought up the game for his modest girl friend who blushed at showing a limb on the tennis courts. Or maybe he was just too near-sighted CK — ves -GERRIBLE = ? ConDiTiON / ? . oS ALPINE GoAT MILK DET FR AGILITY! to play tennis. Or maybe he wanted to combine the comforts of the pool- room with the refinements of home. Or maybe it was simply that men were more delicate in those days. The English took up the gam put it on its legs, on a table. schemed out the pesky celluloid abandoned the racket for a battledore-shut- tle cock swatter, and named it Pi for the subtle reason that the ball went “ping” when it hit the racket and “pong' when it socked the table. Oh, those Britishers, those Britishers! Now with the new wood racket (Yan- sir) the actual sound made is “‘click- pong,” and there is a movement around the American Home Defense League to change the name to its onomatopoetic honest form. In the old days, the good old days naturally, the great ping-pong tour- naments were held at the Wa Astoria. EB Pong internationally. ‘Th height about 1902 and fell off, prob- ably because the brute in man was getting an upper hand, leading a from the thoughts of ping-pong to those of war. But there has been a serious revival recently, as you who keep up with things know. Wherefore, in an effort to standard- ize the game and get it recognition as a national and international sport, the New York Metropolitan Ping- Pong Ass’n inaugurated a Met. Singles Championship, being played at the Hotel Pennsylvania this week. Last year they held a championship match IG at the Little Carnegie where the Communists play the game between riots. It was won’ by Marcus Shussheim of the Boys’ Club. Which is where I, Judge, Jr., step into the story. Having had consider able snooker experience, I decided to enter the play. But when Mac looked me over, he said: “Junior, you're in lousy shape. After the first round, you'll have to play on a stretcher.” So I went to work and established the following stiff training schedule. The first thing I did was to walk out of Frank and Jack’s and take a breath of fresh air, Next I batted green peas back and forth over ladies who wore hair nets, gradually work- ing up to the ping-pong racket. By and by we dipped the peas into Eng- Playhouse, HE SARIED WITH PEAS AND_A “TEASPOON AND WORKED HIS WAY UPTO A RACQUET! lish mustard to get English on my returns. My road work consisted of chasing blondes through revolving doors and crawling amongst tables to pick up dropped purses, powder puffs and dimes. (Some day I intend pub- i recollections of “Under Life.") I also developed a stance for bawling out umpires. It consisted of putting five fingers on the hip and talking alto. To work up speed in wielding the racket I got Arturo Toscanini of the Philharmonic to let me lead triple-time marches for full symphony orchestras. To get a steady eye, I practised concentrating on the new long skirts. I gave up water and lived on Alpine goats’ milk, taken to inspire agility. Well, sir, the night of my first match dawned. (I'm a little mixed, but you can see how unnerved I am by what happened.) In special Hihat uniform I appeared at my table on comicbooks.com