Judge — February 8, 1930 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Few Reasons Why We Won’t Weep if Vaudeville Never Comes Back “And now, with your kind indul- gence, Tam going to give my impres- sions of Mis: ‘I Don't Care . Thai applause . . both of you sing a song with’a riddle see if you ¢: and gentlemen F to attempt a feat that never * “Hullo, customers !” Now I'll show you the way an En- n would sing that song . . . bah “And we wrote this little song ourselves, especially for you, folks, and we tainly hope you'll en- n each and every pack- valuable prize! Ladies’ silk hose! Gents’ gold watches!" ... “De Kid was staggerin’ around, an’ I een it would be his last fight!” .. Tonight we've got a great, big sur- JUDGE prise for you!” .. . “Will You Love Me in December After the Ball Is Over Down by the Old Mill Stream When You and I Were Young M. in the Garden of My Hear “The ace of spades! You'r now? You wouldn't fool me?” . “O Solo Mio! Chili Con Carnco! Bon Ami Sapolio!”...“A funny thing happened to me when I w my way to the theatre tonight. nd I will now give an imitation of an old German band, . . . Remember those old German bands? full of vim and sauerkrau' says: ‘Vell . sweet, unde rstandin’ “mudder! meh best friend! Al y help meh!" ... “All right, Professor! aw the old horse's tail across the intestines and I'll do a dance!” “Will someone in the audience call for some number? Old Black Joc? All right!” “Sousa? Yeah, good ... too Especially tailored hip pocket for the man who prefers beer. The Easiest and Surest Way Jeffwimpf turned off the gas. ‘o, that wasn’t the way. He took the pistol from his desk, stared at it a moment, then put it back. He peered out of his window, down seventeen stories and negatived that idea. It wasn’t the thought of death that disturbed Jeffwimpf. It was the man- ner of kicking in that had him puzzled. For years he'd lived in this apart- ment house. He knew nearly every other tenant. And, with a se of the dramatic, he wanted his passing from this carth to be something in the way of an adventure, a great moment for them. Gas, or a bullet, or a leap from the window would be of no interest to them. His suicide, he'd decided many weeks ago, must be something of a community affair, an event long to be remembered and discussed by wit- nesses. He liked his neighbors. Even now, through the thin walls and floor and ceiling, he could hear their voices. Suddenly his problem was solved. Here, at last, was a plan whereby those friends could witness and actu- ally enjoy his passing. With a smile, he thumbed the pages of a magazine until he found an ad- dress. Then he wrote his last note: “Gentlemen: “T am enclosing $11.98. Please send me the musical saw and twelve easy lessons in your home-practise course, as advertised.” —Cuet Jounson comicbooks.com