Judge — February 1, 1930 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “Whassamatter—somebody steal your cornet?” Mark Twain. Jimmy Du I also got a little on nte. Play him on the nose d show. You give that nd he'll nose those big No’thun entrics to the rail. It’: ee Sure enough, the words had hardly left the speaker's mouth when the thunder of the horses’ hoofs drowned out his words. But who could that be riding Kentucky Belle? Could it be Missy Alice? Old Colonel Daniels was almost beside himself with excite- ment. “Look, look, thar she is! it takes pluck! Ah see it all now! That rascally Ralph Treadwell doped the jockey so he couldn't’ mount! Look, suh, they're comin’ down the stretch! See how gallantly she | daughter of the nd a finer piece of horse-flesh never left the paddock!" All present held their breaths in sus- pense, and as the referee's ery, “Ken- tucky Belle wins!" rang out over the cheering crowds, Colonet Daniels blew his nose profusely and polished a tell- tale moisture from his pince-nez. A moment later Missy Alice threw her arms about him and handed him the bag of money. “There, father,” she cried. “And when crusty old Deacon Fahrenhei comes to foreclose the mortgage t night, show him this and the door!” Take her, my boy, and God bless you,” said the Colonel to blushing young Bushmiller. “She's the finest Hower of the Bourbon State!” Once again the old reception hall d, suh, of the stately Southern home echoed to the scraping fiddles of old Mose and Jed as the wedding candles threw their gleam over delicate women’s dé- colletage and distinguished men’s derwear. It was a scene of indescrib et nd as Alice and Ernie left the ating guests and strolled arm in arm through the eypresses and cloves the mellow harvest moon shone down its benediction on the two rapt lovers. The heritage of the Hassen- pheffer warlock had come true. Hero Grandpa found out when he used the electric heating pad it interfered with the neighbor's radio, so now he's baked all over. Spring starts three months earlier for those in Florida and two months later for those in rumble seats. “Gosh, what a swell dump,” the spe said ator as the champion wres- tler threw his opponent. Helping Him Out throw a drowning man a ven if he's trying to commit suicide. If the water isn't. deep enough, he may want to hang himself. And in Wall Street, the higher they are the faster they fall. American Tragedies The fellow who became so rich he could afford to sleep late and then got insomnia. The deaf mute who had an opera- tion but who couldn't talk about it be- cause the operation or the re- moval of several fingers. The radio announcer's got a divorce from wouldn't talk to he The letter carrier who played golf on his day off and couldn't locate a caddy. —R. C. O'Bries was wife who him because he “Be careful what you say, officer, you're talking to a gentleman!” comicbooks.com