Judge — November 30, 1929 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Press Box (Continued from page 23) five thousand prizefighters through countless rounds in many rings, this crisis found me still primitive and a sucker, my only salvation being a still worse ineptitude on the part of Mr. Dolan. When the bartender rushed up brandishing his bung-starter Mr. Dolan and I were clamped in what I believe a divorce-lawyer would de- scribe as a compromising attitude, he masticating one of my thumbs with his senile gums and endeavoring to unscrew one of my ears while I fumbled away at his matronly figure with body blows which must have seemed downright salacious, Mr. Dolan was roughly forty years older than I, but he was also one hun- dred pounds larger, so on the basis of weight-for-age we were evenly matched, and if either one had been at all competent, one or the other or “Bad boy, if you don't step on there right away, you'll only get milk and rice for supper.” both should have been in receipt of one or more good busts on the nose. 1 apologized for the disturbance, but the bartender, who was the most indignant bartender I have ever seen, said it wasn’t the disturb- ance that annoyed him. “I stopped it,” he said, “because it was such a rotten fight.” Summing Up the Nations One Englishman—a fool; two Englishmen—a club; three English- men—a race meeting, would be the average foreigner’s conception of ourselves, Below we give our summing up of some other nations. Oxe Amenicas— @ millionaire @n orgy Y, Ose Ferxcuwax— Two Amenicass Two Farscusen— @ rake a café chantent Tuere Awenicaxs Prohibition Tuare Farxcuses Memories of Napoleon Ose Geewax @ professor Oxe Ressiax— @ genius Two Gramans— @ sunbathing establishment Two Russtaxs— @ conspiracy Tunre Geamaxs— @n army corps Turse Ressiaxs— Universal gloom —Passino Snow —Denr Lustice Sacuse Bob Ruxton’s Thanksgiving (Continued from page 10) feet in astonishment, but Bob was too quick for them. Before they could collect their wits, he had handcuffed them neatly to one another with th: manacles he had remembered to slip into his pocket. Amid their crest fallen snarls Bob gathered up the ne gotiable bonds and gold pieces and piled his surly captives into the wait ing cab. Three hours later, the center of an admiring group of rewrite men, Bob tore the last page of his story from the typewriter and threw it on the city editor's desk. The latter scanned it rapidly. “Ruxton,” he said cordially, “you have ‘scooped’ the town with the best story I have ever handled. I have been watching your work for some time. Beginning Monday you will take charge of the Women’s Page.” The Women's Page! Bob's heart gave agreat jump. The most coveted position on the “Evening Star!” Why, James Gordon Eppis and Charles Gibson Lorimer had been editors of the Women’s Page! An excited shout from “Rags” cut in on his stammered thanks, “Mr. Ruxton! Mr. Ruxton! “Rags” was shouting, “they've just drawn the lottery and you have the winning number! Five thousand dol lars! And here it is, all in paper moncy !” What a Thanksgiving Dinner the “Star” held next day for the new editor of the Women’s Page! Old re porters still speak of it in hushed tones as “Ruxton’s Folly,” for its lavish splendor was unimaginable. And what a shout went up when Bob blushingly announced his engagement to little Polly Parapatoota of the Folding and Pushover department! “Yes, Polly,” murmured Bob hap- pily when their guests had gone, “I never dreained that when forty-eight hours had elapsed I would be the hap- piest man on earth. I do not think that either of us will soon forget ‘Bob Ruzton’s Thanksgiving’.” EDWARD LANGER PEINTING CO.. INC, JAMAICA, 8. 7. comicbooks.com